Movie 91: Friday The 13th Part 3

Starring: Richard Brooker, Dana Kimmell, Paul Kratka, Larry Zerner, Jefferey Rogers, Tracie Savage,  Catherine Parks.

Director: Steve Miner.

While I won't be watching it in 3-D, because I don't have that kind of technology(I can barely make this blog thing work) and, y'know, screw that, this movie was originally designed to be watched in that fashion.  So, basically, every other shot is something just being thrown at the audience...so, just like a lot of today's movies.  Y'know, those movies that are utterly insufferable.

That said, Friday The 13th Part 3 isn't a bad film, it just...well, look, it's like most of this series.  It isn't that they're bad movies, it's that they're basically all the SAME movie, and that movie isn't terribly interesting.  I was thinking about this franchise today and generally realizing how bored I pretty much was with the whole thing and I had only done two movies.  I almost found myself excited about watching the later installments because they at least have gimmicks.  

We have to get there first, though, so...Friday The 13th Part 3.  We open to a quick summary of the end of the previous film, and then a jaunty disco beat credits sequence, and then to obnoxious trashy people yelling and playing with bunny rabbits.  The rabbit is adorable, though.  Cute little bunny wabbit! Also, aforementioned 3D shots: the guy juts a stick at the audience (for reasons unknown...he doesn't appear to actually be doing anything with it) and a snake leaps out from the rabbit cage...and the guy's response to that is to...take a shit.

Y'know, I was hoping to watch a man take a dump.  Thank you, movie.

So, let's take a look at our mostly interchangeable cast of late-twenty-something actors playing teenagers:

We have Chris, our lead, who wants everyone to not worry about some vague traumatic experience she had at the lake despite nobody really bringing it up.

Our sex-crazed couple who are sex-crazed and I'm sure will last a good long while.

We have Shelly, who says he's an actor...and shows that by wearing masks, stabbing people with fake knives and having low self-confidence.  He'll do well in Hollywood.

Shelly's Date, who...is Shelly's date.  Seriously, I have no idea who she is.  She had a fight with her Mom about going.

Finally we have two random stoners.  They smoke a lot of weed.

After a stop to talk to an awesome derelict in the road(who has a human eye, which he pushes at the audience, saying "Eye warned ye!"), they go out to Chris's big lake house where, apparently, she has some country summer boy-toy who greets her by jumping on her like a mad man and kissing her.  The guy must be forty.  I made one of my favorite riffs ever at that moment.

"Did I do something wrong?" Rick asks.

"Well, you're my Dad!" I say.  Rich thinks it's reasonable that they set aside three hours a day to fulfill their needs...because he gave up other plans to spend time with her.  So, obviously, she's owes him sex.  Rick is kind of a dick.

Shelly and his date go to town where they have a run-in with a motorcycle gang.  The gang is super tough, guys: the way the lady biker forces Shelly's Date to say "Please" is super edgy.  Motorcycle gangs are always working to improve people's manners in polite conversation, right?  Anyway, Shelly accidentally knocks over their bikes, which causes the leader to lose his mind and smash up their windshield...and makes it so that three end up coming back to the lake house to be killed by Jason.

Really hackneyed flashback of Jason attacking Chris in the woods a year(?) prior...Dana Kimmell does the best she can, but her breathless recounting of events is very over-the-top and a little silly.  The flashback itself is effective enough; a maskless Jason dragging her around, trying to jump on top of her...it's kinda creepy.

I think there's a real affection for the character of Shelly by the screenwriter and the director.  Honestly, he may have more personality then just about any other characters in the series.  Plus his disproportionately hot date seems to start to warm up to him, maybe even like him, before she's bumped off.  And Shelly brings the signature hockey mask to the party so, in a way, he'll live forever.  Shelly does get a "boy who cried wolf" death, which is kinda sad.

I assume the "Andy walking on his hands" bit may have been an improvisation?  Like, the actor can walk on his hands so they re-wrote it?  Or do you think they cast him because he could walk on his hands?  I suppose it doesn't matter, but it is the only thing about the guy who stands out.  Other than his being cleaved in twain, the guy is super lucky: hot girlfriend goes back to bed reading an issue of Fangoria.  Be still my heart.

The Stoners actually last the longest!  Can you believe it?!  Other than the lead and her boyfriend/Dad, the stoners actually make it longer than any of the other ancillary characters.  Did not see that coming.  

Jason squeezes Rick's head so hard that his eye bursts out of his head...towards the camera because 3D.  I have no commentary on that.  It just...is a thing.

I will say that the early installments have the "mortal" Jason(since parts 2,3 and 4 all happen concurrently), which is interesting to see in hindsight. Jason actually has to move quickly, registers pain(he vocalizes pain, which doesn't last long) and actually isn't so undermatched for the final girl put up against him.  Chris actually does some bad-ass stuff when facing off with the guy, including pulling a knife out of her dead bestie and going fill offense at Jason, backing him up, and stabbing him in the leg.  Not sure why Chris needs to say every single thing on her mind ("Keys!" "Gas!") but she's a pretty formidable opponent.  It's a decent third act chase.  Her last stand in the barn is actually pretty resourceful.

I never quite understood why the script bothered to have the motorcycle gang member appear out of nowhere to attack Jason.  I mean, it's kind of hilarious and unexpected, but after she's hanged him I'm not sure why there's more at all.  He shows his face to her-apparently she hadn't connected this monster with the one who attacked her previously-and there's more of a fight, and then it ends again.  

The "Jason's Mother" version of the original's hook scare is a bit silly.

Final Thoughts: Well, again, considering it's basically the same as the previous films, it's hard to do any real analysis of it.  It exists, it isn't terrible, it mostly is just a string of kills performed on a largely interchangeable cast.  There's a little more character laced in-Shelley has some stuff to do, and Chris has her "trauma"-but there still isn't much in the way of writing.  It is what it is, and what it is isn't terrible.

Final Rating: Two Stars.

Movie 90: Friday The 13th Part Two

Starring: Amy Steele, John Furey, Adrienne King, Kirsten Baker, Stu Charno, Warrington Gillette, Betsy Palmer.

Director: Steve Miner.

Friday The 13th Part Two opens with a recap of the original film, told through a nightmare occurring in poor Alice's traumatized mind...it's basically a chopped up recount of the third act, with some of the better made-up corpses and physical bits showcased.  It's not a bad way to start the proceedings: I've always liked seeing what happens to survivors following horror films, even if it is just to see them get summarily killed off. 

In this case, it's fitting that Alice be Jason's first kill(assuming that he hadn't bumped a few people off beforehand, which is certainly possible).  Out with the old, in with the new and such.  I love a good cat scare, I really do.  They're so silly.  But Alice's whole death scene is actually well done: there's a lot of fake-outs(like her opening the shower curtain and looking directly into the camera), playing into our expectations as an audience.  Then there's a head in the fridge because, well, that's just rad.

Then we're with our new group of mostly interchangable characters, except for Ralph who is back to once again tell everybody they're going to die (he's totally right, but he's a weird drunk so...moral of the story: when drunken lunatic tells you death is certain, you should totally turn around and go the other way).  

I've always liked Amy Steele, in the few movies I've seen her in anyway.  Loved her in April Fools Day.  She's tough but still good looking, highly rational and serious.  I wish she had gone on to have a bigger career, not that there's anything wrong with the career she had.

I wonder how many times the "ghost story where the guy jumps out and screams stuff" thing has been done in horror flicks...but kids in slasher pics have always loved to tempt fate in that way, so...it's a thing.  Anyway, it provides more exposition in a non-intrusive way, so it's pretty effective. 

NO!!!! RALPH!!!  I guess that was inevitable.

Paul is kind of a neat enough character.  His response to the Police Officer is pretty entertaining.  When the cop tries to tell him how to do his job, he kinda acts like a dick...it's actually a pretty endearing moment.  Paul might be a cool guy, and a cool boss.  The cop then chases Jason to a shack and gets himself killed.  

There really isn't much going on in this movie.  Even compared to the first one it seems particularly exploitive.  Come to think of it, there wasn't an extraordinary amount of nudity in the first one...it doesn't take long for a girl to go skinny dipping(while searching for her dog, apparently), not that she really needed to do that (her shirt is...well, it's not a shirt, really).  A boy plays a prank on her, gets himself strung up and is killed.  She comes back, screams and we cut to seventies rock at a club.

I think my favorite part of the movie is Ginny making a rather rational and intelligent analysis of the Jason "legend" and subsequent psychoanalysis of Jason's personality...and then Paul says "You're drunk" and the giggly ginger kid laughs.  It's a nice scene.  

Out of all of the random kids featured in this movie, I think my favorites are the guy in the wheelchair (who seems like a pretty good guy all around) and the girl who aggressively seduces him.  They're a charming pair, who are quickly bumped off.  Sandra, the girl in question, might actually have one of the more visually interesting deaths: Jason pops out of the bed wearing a bag over his head (never forget the potato sack, guys, it's always important to have in your back pocket when someone takes this franchise WAY too seriously), slashes her leg and then she backs against the wall...the camera keeps the knife in frame the whole time as it moves forward, only bringing Sandra into focus when the knife suddenly drops beneath frame...and then it's jammed into her off camera.  Wheelchair guy gets the physically most interesting death: throwing knife to the skull, and then his chair careens off into the wilderness, it's rider now very dead.

"Paul, there's someone in this room."  Ginny says, almost nonchalantly.  When she gets no response, "Paul, there's someone in this fucking room!" It works pretty well.

The third act moves itself along nicely enough, complete with a nice call-back to the original.  I didn't mention Henry Manfredini during my write-up of the previous film, so I feel like I should call it out now.  I'm not sure how many of them Manfredini scores-I know it's at least the first four films-but the score has a nice mix of drive-in schlock and classy cinema...it's really some fantastic work.

The sweater bit, where Jason believes Ginny to be his Mother, is...slightly convoluted but generally works due to Ginny's earlier pontification on the subject.  Paul appears out of nowhere, which is odd (I literally said "Where the hell've you been, Paul?!" when he appeared)....then Ginny buries a Machete half-way through Jason's left shoulder.

Yay!  Muffin the dog is okay!  But, surprise, Jason jump scare!  Actually, that was pretty well done.  Another nice sequel hook. 

Final Thoughts: There isn't much to think about, really.  It's a pretty run-of-the-mill slasher film, even if those weren't necessarily a thing yet.  Amy Steele makes a good if not underdeveloped "final girl"but that's about it.  That being said, it isn't really a BAD film.  It's not poorly made or anything, it just...well, it is just is.

Final Rating: Two Stars.

Movie 89: Friday The 13th(1980)

Starring: Betsy Palmer, Adrienne King, Jeannine Taylor, Robbi Morgan, Kevin Bacon, Harry Crosby.

Director: Sean S.Cunningham.

And we're off on a massive eleven-film adventure of murder and mayhem with the almost absurdly prolific Friday The 13th franchise.  I have no idea if I have the capability to analyze these(or if they're actually capable of analysis), but I'll see what I can do.  It happens to be Friday the 13th today, so I couldn't ignore this franchise, even if I don't have the time to get more than two or three in today. 

Friday The 13th came after slasher staples like Black Christmas and Halloween and obviously learned a thing or two from those superior films.  The only true innovation of these films is more blood-the beginning of Tom Savini's inspired career-and sex, which were kept to a minimum in North American horror cinema (though Italy was rocking a lot of it) at the time.  

I'd like to say that the movie is inventing the concept of townspeople getting quiet and glaring at outsiders...but I live in Maine.  Go a few hours north of where I'm from and that's basically all that happens.  These townspeople are actually okay after a minute or two, one of them even offering the poor young lady a ride.

I've said it before but, if I ever have the misfortune of getting truly old in this life, I want to be a "real prophet of doom" like Ralph.  There doesn't even have to be a town legend or scandal: I'll just wander around yelling "It's got a death curse" when kids want to go to the mall or something.

The truck driver probably gives the best performance in this film, really: his impassioned "quit now" speech-which also offers some pretty sly exposition(mentions the drowning, the murders, a bunch of fires...things have been going wrong up at Camp Blood for awhile)-is actually pretty interesting and endearing.  The scene itself is as simple as it gets, but there's no reason to expect cinematic wonders in a teen slasher movie.

Yes, yes, Kevin Bacon is in this and he dies.  

The introduction of Alice is well handled...I think there might be some subtle stuff happening there: Steve Christy either is or wants to be screwing young Alice, but she might need to "go back to California and straighten something out" which...is interesting.  What does she need to straighten out?  I think she might be pregnant...it's never explicitly stated, so it's anyone's guess, but that's always been my theory. 

The kids in this film have always seemed pretty interchangeable to me, one of the things that will always put it below many of it's predecessors and contemporaries.  Other than Alice (and Kevin Bacon, but only because he's actually famous now, and even then I don't know what his characters name is) nobody really stands out.  That said: there are a couple of scenes that actually do kind of develop them as actual people.  While out swimming, one of them pretends to drown...it's one of the oldest horror movie bits ever, but what stands out is how the kids leap into action.  If nothing else, it's clear why they were hired as counselors.  They might be idiots, but they're mostly capable idiots. 

The other sequence is Alice discovering a snake in her cabin: the kids come running, one of seemingly endless parade of men with dark, curly hair has a machete and is asked to kill the snake.  The group begins to joke around, building some comradery, and then the snake is killed and everyone gets kinda quiet...there's something about it, despite it's total lack of actual narrative importance.

Death scenes fade to white instead of black.  It's interesting. 

Strip monopoly sounds kinda fun...if playing Monopoly is ever fun.  Which I'm not sure it ever is.  That game takes a hundred years to finish.

Kevin Bacon's girlfriend is probably the closest we have to an actual character besides Alice, and her death scene is presented as such.  The creeping camera push-in as she attempts to get the faucets to work is nicely done...actually, a lot of the cinematography is actually pretty well done in this film.  Cunningham likes to keep the camera moving, with a lot of quick cuts, and it mostly works.  The real trouble is in the slightness of story and character, because there really isn't any sympathy, but other than that there's a sense of energy to all of it.  Plus, y'know, good make-up effects from Savini.

After the death of Bacon's Girlfriend, things just kind of spin their wheels.  I'm not entirely sure why Mr.Kristy is shown: I always thought that leaving him as a potential suspect for the killings was a better move.  But we watch him get some coffee at a diner and get a ride back from the police, with neither scene really driving much more narrative.

Adrienne King gives a pretty decent performance, even when she isn't actually doing anything of note.  There's an interesting non-scene of her making coffee and just looking around...she's nervous, she's worried, she's confused...she gives a lot of emotion without saying a word.  Cunningham once again keeps the camera moving, even when his characters are standing still.  The movements are always considerably more dynamic when the character begins to move as well, such as the camera following Alice as she runs around the room attempting to secure herself indoors away from the still-unseen killer.  

Those Voorhees folks are such show-offs.  They just have to leave bodies laying around where their work can be fully appreciated, kind of like leaving a blog write-up of Friday The 13th on the internet for someone to one day come across.

Betsy Palmer gives a wonderfully hammy performance as Mrs.Voorhees.  It's pretty common knowledge that Palmer didn't want to be there, so I think that makes the performance consderably more impressive.  There's a clear "Reverse-Psycho" element going on...again, the influences are pretty clear throughout, and that's not really a bad thing.  The chase that occurs is actually pretty interesting in that Cunningham choses to show us what both Alice AND Mrs.Voorhees are doing.  It's such a funny thing to see Voorhees bother to go fix the generator.

The actual combat scenes are actually very physical, too: I feel like that goes unnoticed a lot.  Watching Mrs.Voorhees just go ahead and strike Alice is interesting to look at.  If nothing else, Mrs.Voorhees is among cinema's most aggressive murderers. It makes Alice look great by comparison, too, even if sometimes feels like Alice could probably get away if she tried a little harder...but Alice is frequently able to get the upper hand against her opponent, even utilizing a call back with the pantry (where Ralph had startled her before). The beheading of Mrs.Voorhees might be one of the best defeats of a villain in film, though.  Good on you, Alice.  But, seriously, it's an excellent effect.  Savini really is the best in the business at killing people.

Of course, it'd be silly of me not to comment on the big jump scare of Jason leaping out of the water onto Alice.  It's a big moment, and is definitely a smart move: it certainly left an impression on audiences as they left theaters.

Final Thoughts: It's a little strange that this film was so successful, really.  It's not particularly good.  It's bloody, though, and maybe that's all it took.  Right place, right time I suppose.  The third act is particularly ferocious, which I suppose was also pretty new at the time, and probably left a good memory in the minds of audiences.  It certainly created a cult phenomenon, for better or worse, that led to twelve different films(to date: more stuff is supposed to be coming), video games and every thing else.  But, for a basic slasher film it's pretty solid.  Like I said: pretty damn good third act.

Final Rating: Three Stars.

Movie 88: Hellraiser:Revelations

Starring: Fred Tatasciore, Nick Eversman, Steven Brand, Tracey Fairaway, Adel Marie Ruiz, Sanny van Heteren, Jay Gillespie, Stephan Smith Collins.

Director: Victor Garcia.

Y'know, I thought franchise month would be fun but the sitting through the seemingly endless parade of crappy sequels has caused me to age ten years.  I think I'm going even balder as a result of these things.  At least I've finally reached the end of the Hellraiser franchise and can move onto...oh, crap, Friday is the 13th...so...Friday the 13th is happening.  Hooooookkkkaay........

Anyway, here we have reached the dark, dank depths of what this franchise has to offer: the infamous Hellraiser:Revelations.  Somewhere, someone said "Y'know, I like Hellraiser and all but you know what?  I think it'd be better if we remove Doug Bradley and add some found footage."  After what must have been a mountain of cocaine and a few(possibly unrelated) head injuries, someone wiped off the blood of the hookers they killed and said "Yes.  Yes, let's do that."

It's not Fred Tatasciore's fault he isn't Doug Bradley.  It really isn't.  His nasally growls as Pinhead don't hold the operatics of Bradley's natural gravitas, but...okay, so it's terrible.  I can't even pretend not to hold with the franchise fans on this one.  Can't pretend.  I can't pretend any of this is alright.  Oh, god, I just did some research and discovered that Pinhead is played by two dudes: one does the looks and the other does the voice.  Holy shit.  That's awful.  Anyway, rather than the effort of re-writing the whole paragraph, I'll add that Stephan Smith Collins is the physical Pinhead.

I wanted to, you know.  I wanted to give this an honest shot, maybe see if there was some hidden strength to it.  Everyone hates it, and I wondered if it was just because of the lack of Doug Bradley-which is kind of enough, really-but it's just not a good movie anyway.

Two idiots-for some reason the script named the two families Craven and Bradley-travel to Mexico and act like typical assholes, film themselves being assholes, and then we also cut to the families watching the video/discussing what happened...because narrative is for suckers.  Anyway, the dipshits kill a girl, find the lament configuration, open it and a faux-pinhead shows up...and then back to the families.  

I will say that it doesn't really screw around: it takes no time for one the shitheads to show up in a lot of pain and the like and...well, then the action stalls again.  I don't know.  All I can do is ride this thing out.  I don't know that there's anything I can write about.  My skills of rationalization, analysis, humor, and empathy are considerable, but this movie might be beyond me.  I can find the good in damned near anything but this is...

At some point, you have to ask yourself whether or not you should do something.  You might have an idea, some concept...and it might even be an admittedly interesting concept of merging Hellraiser elements(with amoral teens instead of Frank and Julia, which isn't the worst thing in the world) with home invasion tropes...but you need to look at your resources, look at your potential audience, and just ask yourself: should I do this?  

The flashback device really doesn't work.  It seems like filler, really.  It's almost like this was a really spirited and not-so-bad short fan film that somehow got expanded and accidentally released to the public.

Really, this acts as a remake and the concept is actually kind of solid.  They use the basic beats of the original story: Guy summons Cenobites, cenobites kill him, he comes back via blood onto the mattress he died on and becomes the actual villain of the story.  Pinhead is no longer the "villain", so to speak, but back to his original "explorer" character archetype.  Even some of the torture scenes look pretty good: there's a skin peel sequence that looks better than it should, even if it is ruined by the character looking at the camera and uttering a terrible line-read of ridiculous dialogue. 

 It adds some elements of home invasion/hostage stuff and that isn't so bad either, except that those tropes rely on sustained tension and claustrophobia to work.  So ducking in and out of flashback kills all of that momentum dead.  Also, while the actors do their best, they don't quite have the talent to pull this all off.  

Tracey Fairaway is pretty, but...she can't seem to act.  None of these people really can.

I will say that the scene where what appears to be Brother and Sister (the "brother" is actually the bad guy wearing his buddies skin) flirting and then making out is really creepy.  Not because it's well shot but because that kind of thing is creepy.

I think this might be my favorite "How I spent my summer vacation" story, ever.  "I went to Disney World this summer. It was fun.  What did you do?"  "Oh, we killed a hooker, opened an evil puzzle box, I died, came back without skin so I took my friends skin and now I'm home.  Hey, mexican vacations amiright?!"

I could accept the recasting of Pinhead, I think, if they cast someone who could do a better job with it.  Also if the cenobite make-up effects were better.  But neither of those conditions are met.  In fact, they seem rather spitefully denied on purpose.  

I will say the movie went pretty dark in the end, even if it's a little unearned it isn't entirely ineffective.

Final Thoughts:  Ugh.  There's some good ideas in here-there really are, god help me-but the execution is really subpar.  Poorly acted, poorly directed...just poorly made.  There really is some good conception, and I've seen worse horror film endings...but this was pretty rough.

Final Rating:  One star.

Movie 87: Hellraiser:Hellworld

Starring: Lance Henriksen, Katheryn Winnick, Christopher Jacot, Khary Payton, Henry Cavill, Anna Tolputt, Doug Bradley.

Director: Rick Bota.

Despite everyone asking them politely to stop, Dimension Films went ahead and kept making Hellraiser installments. This one involves video games.  You're welcome.

On the plus side, Henry Cavill, otherwise known as fucking Superman, appears here as some guy.  Actually, Cavill did a couple horror flicks before getting his fame as the new Superman.  Interestingly enough, despite those horror movie outings, he's actually killed more people as Superman than he has in any horror films so...yeah.  You're Welcome.

We open on a vague scene of a shirtless guy covered in wounds digging a hole, and then we jump to his funeral where a group of his friends discuss vague exposition: the guy was addicted to a video game called "Hellworld" and apparently committed suicide.  The kids are suitably concerned for a horror movie cast, with the apparent victims Brother being mad at the group of friends for suitably vague reasons.

Jump forward, the group win invitations to a Hellraiser party-it's meta!-due to their extraordinary Hellraiser video game playing skills...I hate that I just wrote that.  Knowing where this plot goes makes this all very painful: how did the villain know they would even play the game, let alone beat it?  Was he pacing back and forth saying "Shit...what if I made it too hard?  How do I know they even want to go?  I should have just hired a professional killer instead of all this game nonsense" and then drank a fifth of whiskey and wept bitterly?  It's also the fifth annual party he's thrown...

Okay, let's back up: Lance Henriksen has designed this whole complicated murder scam.  The kid who killed himself was Henriksen's Son, so he apparently purchased the game the kid got super into, designed a special task in the game where, once completed, the gamer is given an invite to a super-secret party where they can revel in debauchery or whatever.  Did I mention that the game is basically the Hellraiser franchise?  That's kinda key.  

So, basically, for the past four years he's been throwing this party, apparently waiting for this one specific group of friends to all get invites so he can murder them with his own virtual reality tech and some hallucinatory drinks.  He's thrown the party for four years.  I figure it's an oversight: they didn't pull it off the first four years, so he realized he had to throw the party to maintain his cover.  This is literally the most expensive murder plot I can think of.  It's maybe even a billion dollar plan.  He probably could have hired a bunch of the Hellraiser fans to just murder them in their sleep or just burned a house down with them in it or whatever.  Would have been cheaper.  A LOT cheaper.

It would have made more sense if it was just the five characters who won and went to the house.  Then it's basically just House on Haunted Hill with Pinhead, which is dumb but it'd still be fine.  It would certainly make more sense: at least it would be specific to the characters and provide a sense of intimacy.  Instead we wander through this expansive party which is said to be debaucherous and sexy but is mostly people in masks doing shots.  Hardly Eyes Wide Shut.  It's not even Hellraiser, it's just...I dunno, Can't Hardly Wait.  It's a HELLRAISER party, shouldn't these kids be having an orgy with razorblades and bondage?  There isn't even a single human being wearing goth clothing or fetish gear.  It's hard to believe these kids would even play a game of this style.

Anyway, these characters are about as interesting as staring into space.  Probably less so, since space doesn't make oh-so-fresh "Can you hear me now" jokes. I hate to say it, but Khary Payton may be one of the worst actors in a Hellraiser film.  His wide-eyed, giggly reactions to Women is akin to a cartoon wolf, and it's rather awful to look at.

The death scenes aren't so bad: while Henriksen's establishment of the weird torture device is a bit over-the-top(Henriksen does make it work: he's easily the only thing about this film that does) but the gore and aggression of the first kill-on poor Allison, who seems like she may have been an interesting character if offered a bit more time, at least more so than the lead who basically is a know-it-all complainer-is actually interesting enough visually.

There's an actress somewhere out there who can say "I gave Superman a blow job in Hellraiser:Hellworld" and I say we give her her own country to rule or something.

There's almost something apologetic about the death scenes in this film.  It's almost as if Rick Bota read the script, realized how shitty it was, and figured "Well, if I can make the death scenes over-the-top and kind of rad, maybe people will be more forgiving."  Pinhead decapitates a guys head, and the head falls into a bowl full of blood.  There's a huge splash and Bradley looks fierce and all actually seems right with the world for a minute, and then we're back watching these dullards wander around.

There was a choice to include a LOT of boobs in this movie.  I'm not going to say that's a bad thing, it's just another seeming apology by Bota: if we have a lot of boobs and gore, maybe it will satisfy the needs of horror fans and they won't hate us forever.  Unfortunately...we hate you forever.  

Just kidding, I don't hate you Rick Bota.  I hope you have another opportunity at another horror flick, because your visual eye is actually pretty good, and your film-making fundamentals are strong.  I think, given a better script, you could do something very special.

Meanwhile...stuff happens.  This movie is a chore.

Seeing Superman meekly say the words "sweet cheeks" should do more for me than it does.  So should seeing him run through with a meathook contraption run by a crappy Cenobite...but, now that's done, we're down to out two least interesting characters, which is saying something.

Oh, Lance Henriksen...our lead jumps into her car, finds out it's out of gas, Henriksen pokes his head out and says "It's like a bad horror movie, isn't it?"  It is, Lance.  It really, really is.

Favorite part so far: Cop stops Chelsea, asks what her name is, and she seems to forget for a second.  Favorite. Part.

Drink every time someone says "Hell" in this movie.  "Welcome to HELLworld, Chelsea."  "Come on, Chelsea, let's raise some HELL!"  I want to organize viewing parties of this shit film where you do shots of some sort of horrible concoction that I would then name the Hellraiser.  I'd love to hear suggestions of what you think should be in it.  Hell, and you can see what I did there, we can make a Pinhead drink, a chatterer drink, the butterball...the lament configuration...these things write themselves.

Anyway, two leads make it out alive, due to dues ex machina. Henriksen then is in a dank hotel where he gets killed by Pinhead.  The End.

Final Thoughts: Superman got a blow job.  Good for him.

Final Rating: One star.  It exists.

Movie 86: Hellraiser:Deader

Starring: Kari Wuhrer, Doug Bradley, Paul Rhys, Simon Kunz, Marc Warren, Georgina Rylance.

Director: Rick Bota.

While widely known by most of the franchises' fans, it bears repeating here that Deader was originally written as its own stand-alone horror film about a cult in Europe who possess some weird resurrection powers.  At some point it was optioned by Dimension Films who, in their infinite wisdom(and understanding that the film probably wouldn't sell)re-purposed the script as a Hellraiser sequel.  Director Rick Bota had pleased the studio enough with his previous franchise entry and was once more attached to direct(and would go on to do the next one, the even more inferior Hellworld).  Bota once again brings a sense of enthusiasm and effort to the proceedings, really hoping to turn this into as good a film as he possibly could.

That said, I remember liking Deader alright.  I even think it may have been an okay film without the Pinhead tie-in...it probably would have insulted the fan base considerably less in the end...but then again maybe not.  Bota mostly succeeds in providing a stylish film but is mostly undone by a lot of glaring and awkward rewrites.

There is at least one solid thing going for this film, and it's the casting of the underrated Kari Wuhrer.  She's become something of a source of jokes to the audiences due to her having something of the Walken Principle: She'll basically do whatever film is out in front of her.  Like Walken, though, she tends to fully commit to all of those projects, and brings a sense of charisma to her roles.  I find her rather compelling.  While her character-shock reporter Amy-is a pretty standard collection of bad-girl cliches(chain smoking, coffee drinking, unshowered and having a bad attitude and problem with authority, all the while clad in a goth skirt, combat boots and a bomber jacket) Wuhrer still manages to be very watchable.

I don't know if the movie was actually filmed in Bucharest, but it sure looks like Bucharest to me.  If it wasn't shot there, they certainly chose good locations and created some good interior sets to make me believe we're in poor neighborhood in Eastern Europe.  I've never been to Romania.  Is it nice there?  I'd like to go to Eastern Europe: I hear the exchange rate is good.

Oh, right, I almost forgot: if nothing else, there is one set piece very early on that is absolutely fantastic.  Amy bribes her way into the apartment of Marla, the girl who had filmed the Deader ritual than brought Amy to Romania.  The place is decaying, filled with grime and lit by pale strands of what seems like natural light.  The apartment is filled with weird, unnatural seeming corners.  It's a wonderful set.  Then Amy turns the corner and sees. at the end of a long hall, Marla's corpse.  Marla is slumped over, seemingly hung from a rope behind her, now seated on a toilet, her eyes rolled back in her head.  It's a frightening image, and designed to set off every jump scare nerve you have.  Amy climbs forward, reaching past the corpse for an envelope.  It's almost not a question of IF that corpse is going to move...it's when.  It's an extremely suspenseful scene, and even provides a fake out with a long shot before the scare actually occurs.  It's a fantastic sequence, and really shows what Bota is capable of.  Great stuff.  

The addition of the lament configuration to the dialogue is really awkward, and so is the digital effects work.  Honestly, I really do think this movie may have been stronger without the ties to Hellraiser.  Every time that mythos is brought up, it feels so ridiculously tacked on and awkward that it almost becomes cringe worthy.  The "message from beyond the grave via videotape" is a wonderful device, but to hear her suddenly say "Oh, and the box, don't open it" just breaks it.

The rave-train looks super rad. It's like a constant party on a train...well, no, it's literally that. Do they have those in Romania?  I'd be down for that.  It's well designed and photographed.  Sure, it's a little lowest common denominator with all the topless lesbians making out or what have you, but the set design still looks seedy, subterranean and actually kinda fun in places.  Marc Warren as Joey isn't doing the scene many favors with his Steve Zahn impression, but it provides the necessary exposition in a way that isn't super irritating.  

The most irritating scene of exposition is when Charles compares Amy to a glutton and proceeds to make six different puns.  She's a glutton, he needs her to eat what he can't so he doesn't get mental indigestion, but nobody is stuffing anything down her throat...I almost want to scream "just stop with your metaphor" the whole time he's speaking.

I do feel like nobody quite asked "does this make sense" when this film was being put together, but the plot threads really don't connect or seem to have any internal logic.  Amy just jumps from plot point to plot point without recounting any of the information into any sort of narrative that might help the audience (I'm not usually clamoring for more exposition, but sometimes it's necessary).  Amy could have used a sidekick, maybe?  Someone she could say "this is what's going on" to?  Instead she plays Indiana Jones by herself in the Deader's strangely crumbling and kinda/sorta booby trapped headquarters?  I know they're a weird cult from eastern europe and that Joey said that they all lived together in a big house but where did the temple of doom come from?  Suddenly they're the friggin' Night Breed or whatever.

Winter is a wussy name for a cult leader.  Just saying.

Destiny is a lazy plot device.  Need a reason for a character to be someplace? Destiny!  It's clearly part of the re-write process.  You can tell the original plot was for Amy to come snooping around the Deaders and discover some sort of horrible reality and come to terms with her own problems.  But the box and Pinhead are involved, so now she needs to do other stuff...stuff that probably could have happened already because Marla had the box.  So, why couldn't Marla do it?  Destiny.  Hell, Marla even tells her she's the damn chosen one.  It's terrible.

The scene involving Amy waking up with a knife in her back, bleeding all over the place is pretty well done, though.  It could have gone a couple ways, but Bota makes some interesting visual choices, including high angle shots that actually make the tiny bathroom look massive, accentuating Amy's helplessness.  Then it's lit entirely by flourescents and lots of blood tossed around...it works pretty well.  As a whole, the movie is a pretty jumbled mess, but it has some good scenes.

I don't remember Pinhead being as...well, pudgy...as he is in these later sequels.  I know Bradley must be getting up there in age, but the make-up and costume really seem off on him.  It's just kind of surprising to notice now, after all these years of watching these things a billion times.

There's a real similarity to Deader and Hellseeker: they work better as craziness and the like...it's the plot that undermines everything.  I want to buy into Amy being the chosen one, some vague war between Winter and Pinhead...I just wish it tracked somehow. So Winter is a member of the Merchant lineage?  What does that have to do with his powers and gateways to hell and maintaining control of the puzzle box?  What does he gain from Amy joining his team?  None of this makes much sense.  

Final Thoughts: It's a mess, it doesn't make a lot of sense, there's virtually no real plot cohesion or anything...but there are some strong scenes, some decent set design and camerawork, and Kari Wuhrer's strong performance.  You win some, you lose some.  Overall, like it's immediate predecessor: it's better than it has any right to be.

Final Rating: Two and a Half Stars.

Movie 85: Hellraiser:Hellseeker

Starring: Dean Winters, Ashley Laurence, Doug Bradley, Rachel Hayward, Sarah-Jane Redmond, Jody Thompson, Kaaren de Zilva.

Director: Rick Bota.

A very talented cinematographer and director of photography, Rick Bota steps into the director's seat for this wholly unnecessary but good looking continuation to a series that, well, probably never needed to actually be a series at all.  It's the film that a good friend of mine called "Much better than it has any right to be," a phrase I have co-opted for myself for use anytime a movie that has no business being anything other than a massive pile of crap somehow manages to create some sort of quality from the whole affair.  It started here.

Having watched all of 30 Rock a lot(and I mean A LOT), it's difficult to see Dean Winters as anything but Denis Duffy.  I keep wanting to say "Hey, dummy" every time he's on screen.  Now that I got that out of my system, I can move on with the write-up.

There's a real, palpable desperation coming off of Hellseeker.  It absolutely wants to pull something substantial and entertaining out of everything, and that desire actually comes across as endearing.  There's an enthusiasm to it, and it deliberately starts itself off with a strange and twisty sequence of events that puts the audience off guard.  One minute we're in a car that goes off a cliff, then the hospital where a Doctor who seems overly familiar with our lead speaks to him, and then he's in brain surgery and back again...it's a spirited starting point.

Dean Winters offers this emotionally stunted performance as Trevor, a man married to Kirsty Cotton from the original, who went off the road while she in the car.  Now she's missing, he's confused and disoriented.  It really shouldn't work-acting is mostly about portraying feeling, after all-but somehow it sells the mysterious nature of the proceedings despite being somewhat baffling.  He plays the whole thing as if in a trance.  It's an unusual performance.  Winters cuts an interesting figure, though, especially as everything gets weirder and more mysterious...it feels like more noir stuff: he seems to remember some stuff but at the same time has a sense of amnesia.  He's once again discovering himself...and the movie lays in small hints about just who he might be.  It's an unusual approach, one that isn't entirely successful, but does stimulate the senses.

On a personal note: a domineering, sexy boss in a power suit who wants office nookie might be just the best fantasy ever.  Just saying.  How does that happen?  If you're that kind of Woman...offer me a job.

Bota knows his way around a camera, creating some rather interesting shot compilations and set design.  The actual moments of horror are mostly ho-hum, but Bota can film two actors in a room and make it all look very interesting and meaningful.  There's a dreamlike surreality to most of the sequences, even when nothing happens: When each of these random Women come on to Trevor, expecting him to respond in a manner that he always has before, and he responds with a confused, befuddled look...it's just very weird.  It works.

The death scene for Gwen works solely for it's simplicity and because Winters gives such an honest response to it: She comes to his apartment, tries to get him going, he turns her down and she leaves.  Then, the camera she set-up to record their tryst shows them still having sex...and she being killed.  He plays with the camera, seeing it record in real time, at first in disbelief and then in desperation.  It's a nice enough scene.

The wrap-around story of Trevor being asked a lot of questions about Kirsty's murder/disappearance doesn't work nearly as well as the strange interactions and surreal set pieces.  In fact, it just keeps grounding a movie that doesn't want to be grounded.  The more the story plays with Trevor's(and the audiences) perceptions, the better things work.  Strange hallucinations, false memories, nightmares...these things work well here.  Murder investigations, well...that provides the kind of foundation a movie like this doesn't need.  I know that it sets up the film's ending, and I appreciate that...I mean, what's a reveal without a mystery...but it just creates a tonal shift that hurts the film as a whole.  It also doesn't help that most of the clues basically just telegraph the whole answer. 

I love every single time Winters just admits he has no idea what's going on, but not as much as he just just yells "I'm tired of this shit!" while in the hospital and just takes off.  The more he comes apart, the better things come off.

I probably should have talked more about Rick Bota's directorial style, but by now the movie is almost through and I don't have much more to say about it.  The trouble with a lot of these direct-to-videos is that the endings all kind of end up the same.  I will say that the ultimate reveal, while kind of being a tease about a sequel we never got, is kind of nice.  Kirsty is nice to see again, and her deal is a nice concept.  I kinda wish I could have gotten an actual story about Kirsty instead, but it kind of still works.

Final Thoughts: I have talked about the otherworldly stuff, and the surreality, which really shouldn't have worked but did somehow, mostly because Bota knows his way around composition, when to use harsh light and soft light, and can frame and design a strong scene.  Winters gives a strange performance that, while it probably isn't actually a good performance, it's at least very interesting and adds to the feeling of mystery throughout the film.  The effects work is sub-par, but it's hard to blame them on the little cash they likely had to make it.  The story, once it explains itself, is also very cliche and unconvincing, trying to end up in a place as poignant as it kind of promised it would, and ultimately fails to deliver.  It's well executed, and means well, but it's still a poor outing.

Final Rating: Two and a Half Stars.  Better than it has any right to be.