Besides, it's kind of a good deed trying to tell you what movies you probably shouldn't check out. I will say some of these aren't THAT bad, and I'll ruminate on that further as we come to them, but this is the worst of the stuff I came across during the year for new release films. So, away we go.
12. Indigenous
So this one, about a group of young people on a vacation to someplace being attacked by shrieking monsters, really isn't a terribly BAD movie as much as it's dull and irritating. We spend a lot of time watching the kids go swimming and look at trees, then there are some monsters here and there(and when I said shrieking above, I wasn't kidding: they all vocalize with the same shrill, ear piercing noise that is like nails on a chalkboard), and then the kid manages to get a video out onto the internet...and then we get an annoying montage about how the video goes viral and the news covers it and they're rescued...it's really just an irritating film.
11. The Lazarus Effect
This film offers what is probably the most prominent example of "Bad Movie, Great Cast." Mark Duplass, Donald Glover, Evan Peters and Olivia Wilde are all here and do their best, but you can kind of see their rush to cash their paychecks and increase their visibility in film more often than not. The biggest issue seems to come from a lackluster script that takes a strong enough Flatliners-type premise and more or less waste it by not being able to decide on going supernatural or sticking with science...excellent cast, though.
10. Knock Knock
I almost decided not to include this one on the list, and feel a little guilty including it. I feel like the film's heart really is in the right place, attempting to subvert gender roles and double standards...if they did a better job with it, it could have been something special. The two lead actresses do a really good job, but that's basically the best thing that can be said of the whole affair which also features the worst performance of Keanu Reeve's career, highlighted by an annoying speech that underscores the attitude of men who make bad decisions when it comes to sexual escapades and their inherent bullshit...and it's terrible. The speech is just horrendous. Most of the film ends up unintentionally humorous or weird for weirds sake. That being said, I've seen a lot worse. Hell, I've seen worse from director Eli Roth.
09. June
Much like Knock Knock this isn't an entirely bad movie...it just can't make much of account for itself. It's plot(your standard little girl chosen one bit) makes very little sense, the performances scattered and confused, and generally can't seem to build any momentum or points of interest. It might even be more fair to call this an entirely mediocre film on every conceivable level, which is why it's sitting here on this list.
I'm not super familiar with The Slender Man and his ilk, and was a little late to the creepypasta party. I fully admit that. However, I DID watch a lot of the original "Marble Hornets" youtube series way back when and I can safely say that, despite not having any money or resources, they made a better program than this movie. As a standard found-footage film it largely exists, taking as long as it can to get to a logical, and cliche, conclusion and trying audience patience as long as it can. Not offensively bad, but certainly underwhelming.
07. Amnesiac
The second movie on the list to qualify for "Bad Movie, Great Cast." Somehow a Misery clone starring Kate Bosworth and Wes Bentley(both of whom seem confused the whole time) ends up being ridiculously inept on all levels. It tries to make a mystery out of itself as an amnesiac Bentley shares halting dialogue with a menacing(and almost entirely lacking a personality) Bosworth who says she's his Wife. Spliced in is Bosworth murdering random passerby's and the most inept film versions of law enforcement in history. Only the natural charisma of its cast holds any water...and even they seem to be seeking the fastest way out possible. Really disappointing.
06. Paranormal Activity:The Ghost Dimension
Yikes. To be clear, I've been a huge fan of the franchise pretty much all along. Well, up to The Marked Ones anyway...and that one was considerably better than this one. Ghost Dimension doesn't settle for jumping the shark: it turns around and beats the shark to death. Attempts to show the demonic elements look foolish, the plot half-asses its connection to the series, and the characters as bland as any horror film. A serious bummer.
05. The Vatican Tapes
Only lead Olivia Taylor Dudley manages to walk out of this with any dignity intact, and even that might be a little bit of a stretch. She gives an okay performance when allowed to do much of anything but lay around and look sick while an entire cast of men make decisions about her fate. Eww. I don't mean to be rude to Michael Pena but he looks like an overgrown ten year old in everything I've ever seen him in. A telegraphed, strained ending destroys the small amount of good will a couple of neat effects shots builds up.
04. The Gallows
I really feel like this movie could have worked if they avoided the found footage style and their lousy ending. There are some nice conceptual and visual ideas that are squandered by those aforementioned decisions. An obnoxious lead could have been done without it, too...but the focus point of a jock joining the school play to try and impress the passionate drama club President could be really sweet and interesting, and...well, we could sit here all day and discuss how it could have been a good movie if it weren't a bad one. Highly frustrating film.
03.Area 51
Oren Peli made his return to filmmaking with this irritating alien story about two dumbasses who somehow break into Area 51 and find stuff and...man, this one was so hard to get through. I guess Peli was a bit of a one trick pony. Hopefully he sticks to producing...not that he's had much success at that, either.
02. Contracted:Phase Two
From the creators of the absolutely terrible Contracted comes an equally terrible sequel. It's unwatchable. Like the original, it has a moment or two of good body horror stuff but by itself it's just moments of grossness. It doesn't help with a decent narrative, performances or any sort of actual directorial talent.
01. Muck
See the picture above? That's basically the entire point of this suckwad movie. Not only is this the worst horror film of the year, but it's one of the worst movies I've ever seen period. Insultingly set as the second of a trilogy(the first, of course, does not exist because idiots find that funny), apparently the filmmakers managed to dupe people into crowdfunding this turd. Filled with tasteless, unfunny dialogue(for what seems like hours), ridiculous characters, a complete lack of logic(a character escapes danger, gets back to town to find help, but stops at a bar to flirt with a girl, do a shot and otherwise NOT do anything to help his friends) and...just...it's awful. Awful.
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