Starring: Kate Riley, Ben Rodgers, Don Fanelli, Megan Neuringer, Jutin Purnell, DJ Hazard.
Director: Brant Sersen
After Dark Films brings us yet another (most-likely) intolerable found-footage entry that nobody asked for. But, I've had it kicking around for a couple months and I wanted to take some time away from the Universal Movie stuff because, well, after awhile they start to look alike. After Dark has, on occasion, developed some solid films in the past, though, so maybe this one won't be so bad. But, y'know, Found Footage.
Oh, lord, another group of TV show ghost hunters. They're called "The Ghost Trackers." Can we stop making this movie over and over again? Anyway, so far we've discovered that the pretty blonde girl is pregnant, and this fact is apparently a secret. They might be under the wire and lose their show, even though it apparently has lasted One-Hundred episodes and is a hit. So, not sure why the show would be in jeopardy, but okay. In the midst of this is people filming themselves eat dinner, have drinks at the bar, and...that's about it. Then they get lost trying to find the place, which leads to some awkward and unfunny comedy.
So, the group is going to a super famous haunted sanatorium-described as their "super bowl"-to...look for ghosts. They get some establishing shots of the building, are told they have to come back the next day, argue about getting the same shots all the time, that their show has apparently grown stale (no shit, it's been less than ten minutes and I'm already sick of it), and blah blah blah. The caretaker of the building basically dismisses the idea that it's haunted-"I believe in ghosts, but this is just a scary-looking old building." Then he hits the leader in the head with a snowball, because the guy was trying to go in illegally. So far, it's my favorite part of the movie.
Okay, finally, after poorly manufactured fake bloopers and apparently a kid in a window, the group finally do some exposition about the asylum. It's nothing new, any viewer would be able to probably guess it: guy goes nuts, murders kids, commits suicide, usual stuff. They go back, and the caretaker leads them inside to offer some more exposition. The ghost trackers or whatever are excited/surprised at the idea that over a thousand people died in the place, despite it being a turn-of-the-century asylum that was eventually turned into a nursing home. A nursing home. Of COURSE a lot of people died there.
I hate these people. They are not interesting, they are spastic, overly dramatic, and generally idiots. The two ladies are pretty but...yeah, my favorite character is the caretaker. They enter a room that is a few degrees colder than the rest. They talk about how scary it is and stuff, and the Caretaker just says "Between you me, it's probably colder 'cause it's winter." In one line, he sums up everything I have ever wanted to say to Ghost Chaser morons. He also does a nice mugging moment when one of the idiots attempts a showy tough guy act in calling out the ghost or whatever. He is certainly my favorite, and I hope he lives through the movie.
So, our technicians explain to the audience what their equipment does. This makes me wonder...do they reintroduce their equipment during every single episode of their show? No wonder they're concerned about stagnation.
Oh, it's apparently New Years Eve. This is apparently fifty years since the murder stuff. They split into teams and off they go. Hopefully to their quick and grisly deaths. I cannot express how much I have grown to hate the "ghost hunter" found footage concept. This feels like the hundredth movie of its kind I've seen and I'm just so...tired. Actually, it's not just movies. I hate the entire concept, even when it appears in Television. It's dumb.
So, there have been two instances of a cast member jumping out and scaring another, and they found a dead raccoon. Damn it movie GO QUICKER. No, I don't mean just cut to other scenes quicker. Stop that. Cutting quickly between scenes of nothing happening is not the same time as strong pacing. Okay, dumb guy lays on gurney and it collapses under him. Not really a scare, so much, but...at least something happened.
So, it looks like the Overwatch girl is going to get killed first...well, nope, just another "team member scares another" bit. Keep leaning on that, movie. It's going very well for you. Clearly.
Thrill as they wander from room to room looking at nothing! Marvel at their shock and surprise as mundane things like (gasp!) curtains moving! "It's just the wind" our character says! You will not believe your eyes!
They hear strange music and discover a radio. Just a radio. Sure, it doesn't have a power source but it's still just a radio. Lead character gets pissed about it, assuming it to be a prank from one of the other guys. As his Girlfriend, the pregnant girl, kind of argues in defense of the other guy, I riffed "Well, look, I'm having his baby so..." Afterwards, when midnight strikes and they exclaim happy new year, she tells him about the pregnancy, and everybody gets excited. Then the lead argues with the douche guy, and then the pregnant girl gets a camera on her boobs. Well, okay, it's a body cam and stuff but...y'know, its placement is odd.
100 episodes and I find myself wondering if this guy wonders if he's wasted his life. I mean, he constantly orders ghosts to touch him and stuff, and I have to assume he did it in the other 99 episodes. Think he ever just says "Man...this is so stupid. 99 episodes and no ghost has ever touched my arm."
Well, a wind blows or something and the douche guy freaks out, exclaiming "Holy shit, real activity, first time in 9 years!" I mean, a paycheck is a paycheck but 9 years? When do you, y'know, lose your enthusiasm for that stuff? How many times can you find a big fat load of nothing in 9 years?
Ugh. Come on, movie! Girl stepping on nail, a shadow figure in a frame and some vague sounds do not make a thrilling film. I find the idea of offering the ghost of a little girl candy as an incentive is...well, isn't that kind of a dick move? She can't EAT the candy, she's dead. And, movie, speaking of dead, can we hurry up and kill one of these morons?
Thank you. One of them seems to have been vague killed. We don't see anything, just some camera shaking and the usual stuff. Oh, that was apparently the lead guy. I guess the blonde pregnant girl is our actual lead. Works for me, she's the only one who appears to have anything resembling a personality. Unfortunately, she's descended into a blathering, weeping mess.
Okay, we're down to three characters. The original lead, Tyler, is missing and presumed dead. Cole, the black guy, has also vanished after running off into the dark, seemingly under some sort of supernatural influence. Blonde girl (Samantha), Douche Guy (Mark) and the other girl (Bridget) are running around, and then Bridget disappears as well.
Hmm. A so-so scare effect just got deployed. Only took, like, two-thirds of the movie to get there. Hunting for Bridget, they discover a bloody handprint next to a door. The door then shakes violently. Mark and Bridget run out of the asylum and get into the car and are about to drive away (once Samantha finally figures out how to start the car), only to see Tyler and run back inside. Mark chases her to try and stop her and is dragged, bloody and screaming, into the dark and now Samantha is inside by herself. It should be noted that none of this is terribly exciting. Some collapsing light fixtures at least offer some movement and noise beyond Samantha's POV cam running through dark hallways while she shrieks. It's a simple enough practical effect and works okay...as does her following a blood trail and finding all of her friends hanging from the ceiling with their eyes removed. If only there had been some sort of build to any of this.
Samantha is taken out fairly suddenly: she's bet over backwards by an invisible force, her stomach explodes (bye, bye, fetus) and is dragged through a hallway and strung up on the ceiling. The End.
Final Thoughts: Big fat load of meh. Not a terrible ending, but other than that it's your usual intolerable found footage movie.
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