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| This does end well for me, does it? |
Cast: Neve Campbell, David Arquette, Courtney Cox, Parker Posey, Patrick Dempsey, Scott Foley, Lance Henriksen.
Director: Wes Craven.
So, just now while having a smoke, I kind of wrote this opener in my head. Basically, it was me saying "Wow, so I thought Scream 2 was way better than before" and instantly said "That won't happen with the third one. Not at all." While thinking this, and trying to remember when and where I had first seen the third one, I remembered there was a review I read after seeing it...it said "It becomes a parody of itself." I read that and said "couldn't have said it better myself." Now, of course, I'm left with this clever retort: "Oh, yeah, past me? Well, we'll just see about that!" and stormed off on myself upstairs to get back it.
It's going to be a long, long night. Two down, two to go. Kill me.
"100% Cotton" is a pretty solid name for a talk show. I feel like I know the actress who plays Cottons girlfriend from something. No idea what. I feel like I have time to look it up because there's a gratuitous car racing thing going on...nope, no idea. I saw "Kindred:The Embraced" once...but no idea. Did you know there was a "Bill & Ted" TV series? I didn't. What was I saying?
Oh, right. "Scream 3." The line of "I hate your stab games" is pretty cute. I like the idea that Cotton is a big enough douche to play sex games based on horrible things that happened around him. I don't know how I feel about the new ghostface voice...or his magic voice duplicator.
So, Cotton is dispatched after putting up an okay fight. I feel like little to nothing was gained by any of it except for keeping us from thinking "Where's Cotton?" the whole time and...I don't think any of us would have asked that question.
There is something smart about Sydney working as a crisis counselor but...how does she afford that house? It's fine, though. I shouldn't be focusing on those things.
"He was making a movie called Stab. He was stabbed." Nice line read. Roger Corman cameo. I like Emily Mortimer. Careful, my bones! Man, I can't find anything to focus on here. There is no substance. Parker Posey is basically a walking cartoon here. And Jay and Silent Bob because...oh, hell, this is terrible.
They remembered that Sydney had a Father.
Oh, right. I had forgotten the nightmare about her Mom. It's actually pretty well done despite having nothing to do with anything. Kinda creepy.
Jenny McCarthy is here to remind us all about autism and innoculations. Ridiculous. There's something sad about being the least relevant thing about "Scream 3." Basically stunt cast and a part of a paper thin gag about being the second to die and then being the second to die...this scene is really dragging on, really. There's nothing to this. It's a scene out of "Scary Movie." I feel like someone told McCarthy that she was in one of those and not "Scream 3." As she picked up floppy knives...it just feels hollow. The sequel had some interesting things to say about the genre and did great work with self-aware. This is just mindless amounts of self-awareness.
I usually like Parker Posey. Usually. Why does she look like she's about to overdose on heroin?
The script angle-the killer is focusing on the order of deaths in the script-isn't bad. But the dialogue is consistently terrible. These one-note characters don't help, either. Basically, the franchise became a run-of-the-mill slasher film. Ugh.
Expository news report! I missed that in the sequel. Sydney got herself a dog and a gun. That, at least, makes a lot of sense. There is some Patrick Warburton in this film, too. So, finding some kind of positive is really important at this point because I'm wondering if I'm wasting my life. Even Courtney Cox and David Arquette seem kind of embarrassed here.
Warburton is dispatched with a frying pan. And then they do a series of "scare each other" bits. There are way too many "bits" in this film. Nothing about this is taken seriously, and not in a good way.
So, wait, the killer knew one of them would use a lighter to read the fax? Is he psychic? Oh my god I am hating this movie.
Courtney Cox punching Parker Posey worked for me. Oh, yeah, I forgot about the retcon that there was a third murderer who killed Maureen Prescott...never say or type anything about this movie to yourself. It hurts.
Sydney and Duey re-uniting was actually a pretty nice scene. I'll give it that. Also, the awkward hug between Gale and Sydney was worth it, too. Why is this cartoonish music playing all the time? I'm beginning to think that this movie isn't a bad horror movie: it's a bad comedy.
Shoe-horned Randy appearance. It's probably the best part of the movie, despite being entirely wrong. But it's a surprisingly poignant scene, despite the jokes. The "I'll see you soon. Because some of you..you're probably not gonna make it. I didn't" line worked well.
Parker Posey jumping around like a child. Carrie Fisher making a hackneyed joke about Star Wars. If there is a hell, it's probably being forced to watch "Scream 3" over and over again.
The scene between Sydney and Emily Mortimer was actually kinda sweet. I will also say that Sydney walking onto the set replica of the first film is also a strong scene. Not sure the over-the-top music is warranted, but it's a good moment. It's actually probably the closest this movie has had to a real horror scene: the concept of Sydney reliving the death of her friends, seeing her old bedroom, her old life...there's something really creepy and poignant. I mean, she has a Creed poster, which is utterly terrifying. Y'know, 2000 was a terrible year for music. This whole soundtrack has been awful.
Here's the actual track listing. I mean, holy crap. This. is. terrible.
| 1. What If - Creed |
| 2. Wait And Bleed - Slipknot |
| 3. Suffocate - Finger Eleven |
| 4. Spiders - System Of A Down |
| 5. Automatic - American Pearl |
| 6. Fall - Sevendust |
| 7. Time Bomb - Godsmack |
| 8. Tyler's Song - Coal Chamber |
| 9. So Real - Static-X |
| 10. Crowded Elevator - Incubus |
| 11. Debonaire - Dope |
| 12. Sunburn - Fuel |
| 13. Get On, Get Off - Powerman 5000 |
| 14. Wanna' Be Martyr - Full Devil Jacket |
| 15. Dissention - Orgy |
| 16. Crawl - Staind |
| 17. Click Click - Ear2000 |
| 18. Is This The End - Creed |
Finger Eleven? Staind? Creed? Godsmack? What the hell is Ear2000? What a terrible time in music history.
I've been writing Sydney instead of Sidney. Oops.
I was talking about the whole sequence of Sidney in the house...it remains really solid. It culminates in a rather creepy scene where her the body bag gets up and runs at her. It shows a really interesting character arc for Sidney, which...I mean, you waited until the third film to do that? It works, though: Sidney as a highly stressed victim who is trying to fight back. It's pretty solid stuff.
When Sydney asks "What do you know about trilogies, Detective" I answered "Uh, I know it's not really a sub-genre."
I don't know if I'll have the strength for part four after this. I'm gonna go for it, though. But this last act is just draining. It's really something when you smash cut to your lead looking bored.
Oof. "It's your turn to scream, asshole" isn't a great line. Especially because "Scream" isn't a title in their world.
It just occurs to me that Patrick Dempsey doesn't return for the fourth film. I don't have anything to follow that up. Just an observation.
The half-brother thing is awful. The whole plot is awful. The only thing I like is Sidney's response to Romans villain rant. "I've heard all this shit before!" "Fuck you!" "Fuck You!"
I've never understood the bullet proof vest gamble. What if he shot her in the head? Not that I mind Sidney horror-slasher stalking the villain. That's actually kinda clever. I would have preferred that the killer had not jumped back up this time. I feel it would have worked better.
The very end isn't so bad. Duey and Gale get engaged, Sidney learns how to move on with her life. Yay.
Blessedly, this is over. I know that at least partly this film is supposed to be ridiculous and a comedy but even taking that into consideration it's a poor film. I got nothing else. It's just a lousy film.
Final rating: Two stars. Quite a step down.
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