If memory serves, I came up with this irritable joke when I last watched this movie:
I feel like somewhere in a pitch room somebody said "You know Paranormal Activity? Well this is Para-NATAL Activity!" And that makes me angrier than just about anything in this world. That is, if this is the movie I think it is...I feel like there was a similar movie with a similar title and concept released around the same time, and I might be getting them mixed up. Either way, I know I did see this movie and, if it IS indeed the film I'm thinking it is, it had a few so-so moments. Out of those two similar movies-at least, I think, it's hard to keep track at my old age-this was the better of the two. I think.
So it isn't the one I thought it was...kinda. I had thought it opened with a reality show device-it used the premise that it was a reality show pilot, which was kinda clever-but it instead opened with a guy filming some a conversation with his wife that, well, there's no way someone would actually keep filming while having it. The opening actually did have the somewhat clever misdirect that it was a stalker filming...and then they have that conversation.
Wedding videos are never interesting for anyone except the couple who got married...and even then I don't think I know of a single married couple who even watches them. Blessedly, the wedding video sequence is very short.
I think it was Dennis Miller-before his right wing idiocy-who said "In order to buy a video camera, I think you should have to prove your life is interesting enough to film." I wonder if Miller had any inkling or premonition about found footage films when he said that. Watching the private videos of a couple on their honeymoon? Not that interesting.
That's always the trouble with found footage films in a nutshell: you have a character who is filming absolutely everything for no real reason and keep filming no matter what, and it makes no sense at all. They film the most boring, minute details of their lives. I've never met anyone who does this. Ever. Some found footage films give a decent reason for their filming. Maybe they expect to see something, or their job is to film everything...I can buy into that line of reasoning. If you have a character whose job it is to be a cameraman, I can understand their continuing to film at all times. However, a couple wandering about on their honeymoon...why film absolutely everything? I've been on vacation: the last thing I want to do is carry around and or worry about a camera.
The device does allow for some interesting things in this particular case: the evil cultists who seek to impregnate the young woman with the seed of their dark lord are entirely unaware of the camera so we can see the goings-on...kinda. If memory serves, the cultists actually set up cameras in the couples house, too, which makes more sense than filming everything. But, seriously:who uses the camera to wake up their spouse?!
Honestly, I can't understand their proliferation. I mean, I can: they're cheap. But...I mean, I guess that IS the reason for their proliferation. I know they aren't popular, though...I can't think of anyone ever saying "Boy, I sure do love found footage." I'm known to be much more reasonable about them, really, then anybody else I know.
I'm spending this whole thing ranting on found footage. There is a reason for this: nothing is happening whatsoever in this movie. Twenty minutes in and we've basically watched their mundane, boring lives occur. At least I do understand filming things for their unborn baby...within reason, anyway.
God...I am so bored. She got a nosebleed and *gasp!* ate some meat. Basically, I'm watching Pregnancy:The Movie.
So she has road rage and freaks out at the doctors? She doesn't need to be evil pregnant for that: I've dated a number of Women who do that just fine without having a demon child inside of them. Come to think of it, they also occasionally have nosebleeds and eat raw meat, too. Bloating and swelling sometimes. So, basically, this movie does not have anything unique to evil pregnancy...maybe she could speak in tongues, vomit black fluids, bend her arms backwards, cross her eyes or pick her nose, ANYTHING AT ALL WOULD BE NICE.
Oh, yeah, the cultists do set up the cameras in the house in this one. I actually kind of like that. But we still mostly follow the husband with his own camera because he is still filming private conversations with his wife.
Wife screams at children and carves up her floor. Again, not evil pregnant: just a DIY hipster who hates kids. Also, movie: look, night vision isn't inherently scary, okay? Suspense is scary.
The effects work of the fetus pushing out of Mom's stomach was pretty okay looking, even if it's too telegraphed and kinda cliched to be scary.
Bernard from LOST is the Priest(he was also Holland Manners in Angel, and that was rad). I'm happy to see that: he's a fine character actor. He does a good job with his weird nosebleed freak-out. Actually, that scene had a nice subtle "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" moment of her eyes turning red. It was actually a decent scene, and the red eyes thing almost justifies the found footage device. Almost.
Huh. The plot just kinda redeemed the use of found-footage all on it's own, actually: the husband goes through the footage in order to find out what happened before. He provided his own exposition with found-footage. That's actually somewhat intelligent.
The Priest recites the bible verse from the text in the beginning...so why did we have the text in the beginning?
I have a very hard time believing that, during the entire production process, nobody ever said "Hey, so this is really boring, can we have someone's head explode or something?" Not one person? No focus group participant, no friend of the writers, no studio exec, actor or anyone? I feel like someone should have read this script and said "Uh, this is incredibly uninteresting." Friends don't let friends write bad screenplays.
The climax has some decent stuff in it: the main character-wielding his "adventure cam"-finding himself completely surrounded by cultists and out of his depth has some weight to it. The moving of furniture and cracking of walls by themselves looks good, too...just wish it had been happening eight years ago when I started watching this movie. The primary set piece of the nursery looks pretty good, too, actually. It's not a bad climax, it just hasn't been earned at all. There was no real sense of impending doom-and really, there should have been, given that pregnancy is a nine month countdown(actually, would a literal countdown have been a bad idea?)-involved. If they had done more with the build-up, more demonic shenanigans besides "Boy, she is acting a little bit weird"...anything to build suspense or dread.
God damn it...did The Gaslight Anthem do a song for the end credits of this?! They're like my favorite band and...why did this have to happen? Good for them, I guess? Bad movie, great band.
Final Thoughts: No suspense, no build, just a bunch of dull stuff filmed by dull people under an admittedly explosive and interesting final seven minutes. Plus, The Gaslight Anthem, apparently.
Final Rating: Two Stars. One of them for The Gaslight Anthem.
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