Starring: Samantha Scully, Eric DaRae, Laura Harring, Bill Moseley, Richard C. Adams, Richard Beymer.
Director: Monte Hellman.
Pretty sure I've seen this one, but I tend to get them confused after the first two. I don't think this is the one with the voodoo or whatever(I think that's part four) but maybe it is. So...color me stumped. Not sure if I've seen this or not. I've owned it for quite some time, and I know I saw the other two on this three-disc set, so...probably? I guess it doesn't matter. Let's jump right in and bring the pain.
Oh, okay, it's the weird one with the psychic. Okay, I remember this now. Weird dream sequences where this teenage girl enters the dream world of the first movie's killer who is somehow alive again or something. It's kind of this franchise's version of the seventh Friday The 13th. The dream sequences are actually not bad for a cheaply made movie: using white, featureless walls is actually kind of ingenious. Obviously, they're shoehorning Christmas into all of this for no apparent reason other than wanting this to be a sequel to Silent Night, Deadly Night but I've seen worse justifications for films.
Oh, did I mention Laura was blind? Apparently Laura is blind. This must be the reason she dresses like Michael Jackson. Also, for some reason, the killer's brain is exposed under a clear plastic dome and is wandering around in a hospital gown. This movie's franchise is apparently all crazy all the time. It also has more flashbacks to the original film! Ye gods, why?!
Wait, okay, the killer isn't supposed to be Billy, it's Ricky who is now played by genre fixture Bill Moseley...apparently Ricky got a whole lot smaller after being shot down by the cops. I guess you could blame it on the coma easily enough. But it seems like he now also shares some sort of psychic group mind with blind Laura, which is going to spell doom for poor Grandma.
Anyway, Laura is off to Grandma's house with Leo Johnson from Twin Peaks and Rite from Mulholland Drive. So we have two David Lynch alumnis here. Well, okay, neither of them had worked with Lynch at the time of this filming, but they will. Both are too good for this, anyway. But DaRae is a surfer dude type and Laura Harring is his Girlfriend who, for unknown reasons, Laura just simply doesn't like. Laura's Doctor is also Richard Beymer, who played Ben Horne on Twin Peaks as well! So, huge bunch of Lynchian actors!
The Gas Station attendant has a Girlfriend willing to call him at work and talk dirty to him. He oughta put a ring on that. I wish I could be that lucky. The Gas Station scene also tells me that 1)Grandma is also apparently mildly psychic and 2) Laura is a bitch who says "and if you believe Pit Bulls made good pets, would you believe that?!" Pit Bulls are awesome, Laura. Look, screenwriter: the idea that Pit Bulls are inherently violent and aggressive animals is a widely dispersed myth. Dick.
Just looked up Samantha Scully, who plays Laura, and discovered that 1) this is her second of only three films she ever appeared in and 2) that she is nearly fifty now. Weird, huh? I always do love looking up the actors that appeared in these films and seeing what else they've been up to.
Grandma is a really nice lady. Too bad she mentioned Santa. But she was totally willing to just give the random guy who showed up at her door food and a christmas present. Poor lady, she seemed super sweet. It feels like it took a long time for the movie to get to where it needed to be: I feel like I aged ten years waiting for them to get to Grandma's house. Also, I wish Laura was a nicer person. I understand that physically challenged people can be dicks, too, but it always makes more sense to make them seem like nice people in films so that we can, y'know, root for them or whatever. As a result, I'm kind of more rooting for her idiot brother and his Girlfriend because they seem like nice-but-stupid people and because Laura keeps ragging on them. Plus, Laura Harring is gorgeous and is now taking off her clothes so...excuse me for a minute...
Okay, Laura is being given some more characterization now that we've finally arrived at the central set piece. Her parents are dead, and her brother is bringing some more smiles out of her...and there are Laura Harring's breasts. Understand, I'm not usually the type of guy who goes all wolf whistle when horror films show nudity (I'd literally never get anything done if I were) but Laura Harring is something special, okay? Plus she's in a bath and all soapy...and...look, don't judge me. Shut up.
Well, The Girlfriend just lost some points with me. She says he looks worried. "Well, it's weird. It's Christmas Eve and Grannies not here, my kid sister is alone at the house..." She then responds "She's hardly a kid...and, what about me?" What about you? Grandma is friggin' missing and my blind sister is alone at home! Laura is climbing, though: Chris(her brother) asks her to be nicer and try to be more tolerant of others, and Laura apologizes for being rude. Good for you.
I don't need the scenes of The Doctor and The Detective chatting in the car. Like, at all. The movie constantly cuts back to them discussing nothing in particular. It basically is trying for some sort of wacky contrast: He's a super smart, new agey scientist! He's a down-to-earth, skeptical cop! When they team up, Hilarity Ensues! Coming up next on "Dr.Cop!" Anyway, I'd say it derails any tension or cohesion in the film but...what tension or cohesion? All that's happened is three people hanging out at Grandma's house.
Well, okay, Ricky is now attacking in the style of Macho Man Randy Savage trying to give someone a slim jim.
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| Couldn't find a picture of him smashing through anything so... Dig it. |
Anyway, our trio has had plenty of time to circle the wagons, find a gun and start to leave the house...it isn't the wisest of plans, and Ricky leaps right onto Chris's back...and now Ricky is stabbing him. The Doc and The Cop show up, and now our two movies have finally come together in one place. Doc's plan of...playing a recording of Laura(?) fails miserably. For a guy with a PhD he ain't so bright. Not even sure where the Cop went but, to be fair, I was getting the above Macho Man photo at the time.
I might have learned all I know from comic books, but shouldn't Laura be like some sort of super martial artist as a result of being blind? Like Daredevil?
Killed offscreen. Not a great way for Jeri(the girlfriend) to go. Kind of sad, really. Anyway, that signals the final act, where Laura goes into final girl territory and attempts to run away from Ricky. For those keeping score at home: this is the second movie in the series, in a row, to feature the main villain stalking a victim with a physical disability.
Granny does an Obi Wan Kenobi bit, showing up and telling Laura to use her powers to help others and to get herself out of this mess. Not sure how mild clairvoyance really does much of anything for people, but...maybe at least it could tell her where Ricky is at any given time, so maybe that would help. Laura does pull off a good Wait Until Dark ploy, too: smashing the light fixture so he's blind, too...except he has light coming from the open door(but, poor thing, she doesn't know that...).
Oh, Chris is still alive and uses film company Memorexs' marketing line as a one-liner. "Is it live, or is it memorex?" Chris asks. Um...not very good. It doesn't do him any good, either, which is kinda hilarious. His miraculous return is very short lived as Ricky just kinda...y'know, kills him again. Woops. It does provide the necessary distraction allowing Laura to take him out but...it didn't really involve her using her powers so...wow, what a sloppy climax.
The paramedics might be able to save Ricky. Okay, movie, thanks for telling me that, I guess.
Final Thoughts: It has a lot of elements that, had they come together, could have made this an okay slasher flick. The protagonist as a blind psychic could have been mined for a lot of interesting sequences and moments, but it's used as mere color for what turns out to be a run-of-the-mill slasher film. The character motivations also could have worked: tension between Laura and his Brother's Girlfriend, mild resentment on his part for Laura's handicap...these things could have made for some good drama. Instead, it's a scattered jumble of random scenes that don't really go anywhere. Pretty mediocre stuff.
Final Rating: Two Stars.
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