Starring: Malcolm McDowell, Jaime King, Donal Logue, Rick Skene, Ellen Wong, Courtney-Jane White, Brendan Fehr.
Director: Steven C. Miller
Well, we've finished the dreadful Silent Night, Deadly Night franchise to come to this loose remake of the original film. At least, I think this is a remake. It certainly seems like it is. Yeah, the back cover of the DVD invokes the originals name on purpose. That's an interesting cast list right there-I mean, besides Jaime King who I know from...wait, what do I know her from?-so we'll see what happens.
If nothing else, we have some better production values than any of the original five films had...in fact, this credit sequence looks to come right out of a TV serial killer procedural. Dirty bathrooms, blue filters over all the lights, weird clownish mask and now a...Santa costume. Aaaaaand, we're off!
Santa here seems to be something of a vigilante killer with Saw-like devices mixed with festive Christmas decorations on them. It's derivative but I'm reasonably comfortable with that considering what we're dealing with here. It would be insane to have any sort of expectations from this film. Sheriff Malcom McDowell calls Deputy Jaime King and tells her she has to work Christmas Eve. She protests, saying she can't work because "it's a tough day for her." He's a jerk about it, but he isn't wrong: "It's Christmas Eve for all of us." I would assume Police work is one of those jobs that you don't really get holidays off. Hell, you don't really get 'em off if you're in hospitality or work at the 7-11, either. Anyway, Deputy Jaime goes downstairs and hugs her Dad, who is played by Not-Rob-Reiner.
Wow, I don't know who this kid is but she deserves a smack. She smacks her Mothers heart medicine out of her hand, demands to go to the mall, her Mother actually obeys her bitchy hellspawn...and then Santa kills her with a taser. Okay, then. Thanks, Movie!
Um...okay, so this movie is clearly going for some sort of audacious comedy tone, it seems. Between the aforementioned scene of the bratty kid getting killed and the local Priest creepily hitting on Deputy Jaime King(because, uh, that totally happened)....well, they're clearly going for that sort of over-the-top dickish comedy thing. Everyone in town seems to be some kind of jerk, pervert or both except for Deputy Jaime King, who is clearly pure of heart and loves everybody. It isn't super funny so far. Not ha-ha funny anyway. Kind of weird and creepy.
Donal Logue is up to his old tricks: he's dressed as Santa Claus, he's a smart ass, and has been making kids cry by "telling them the truth about their parents." It's a little funny, mostly 'cause Logue is good at what he does. The dialogue is a bit arch for him to completely make work and it's a pretty awkward schtick he's being asked to do. But, a little funny.
Oh, our first call back to the original. Comatose old man wakes up to tell his douchey teenaged grandson that Christmas Eve is the scariest night of the year and that he better watch out for Santa and then goes back to being a vegetable. I am hoping that this movie finds some cohesion soon, though: the "good natured Jaime King talking to every single character in town one at a time" bit is already wearing thin and we got a long ways to go.
Thank You, Movie. Jaime King found a body and Santa's evil fortress of solitude/murder. Santa and Superman both live at the north pole so I had to mention that parallel somehow.
Well, Killer Santa has busted up a photoshoot and is chasing a topless girl around...it's a bit trashy and exploitive but, again, consider the source material...she ran by a wood chipper and I wondered for only a second if they were going to just pass that on by. Instead she hears it turn on, stops and investigates for some reason. He cuts off her leg with an axe, picks her and her severed leg up, and lowers her into the wood chipper feet first...dude, that's pretty dark movie. That's even a bit much for ME and I've kinda seen it all.
This is the second time a deputy has tried to get out of work due to some minor thing. Sheriff McDowell is being portrayed as something of a jerk but I once again think he's totally right. The male deputy says he has a cold and "doesn't feel well enough to be fighting crime." He's told to "man up" and I couldn't agree more. The dude is law enforcement, come on. McDowell is also supposed to be seen as having hubris when he refuses to tell the towns folk about the killer, suggesting "Never present a problem, only a solution." Again, I find it absolutely right.
Creepy Priest is creepy. "Spread some holiday joy" he leers as he photographs young women...well, now Killer Santa has come to his church to take the guy out. The Priests' sermon is kinda neat, though, I gotta say. I, too, blame "American Idol" for the spread of sin in our society, too. Actually, the actor is giving a great, hammy performance. At least until Santa carved him up. Aww, Killer Santa didn't kill the old lady that witnessed him killing the Priest. Instead, he gives her money. That's awfully nice. Kinda heart warming. I like Killer Santa more now.
Not so bad flash back scene: Lunatic guy got mad when his Wife left him, dressed up as Santa, grabbed a homemade flame thrower and attacked the Holiday Party they went to, and murdered his wife. It's a simplistic flash-back sequence, but still fairly stylish: black and white except for the Santa costume and the fire from the flame thrower.
That's followed up by another halfway decent scene: King calls her Dad, who is a former cop, and he gives her a really nice pep talk. It was a surprisingly effective scene, if not a little superficial over all. The movie is now piling up some okay content...McDowell is having a blast with his over-the-top role, too. His gung-ho, cliched cop dialogue is being played with as much absurdity as he can muster, and it's more fun than it should be. I'm actually assuming he IS the evil Santa Claus, really. But we'll see if that plays out. I guessed the Robot/Puppet shit in the last movie, so...yeah. Tonally it's a bit off, but that's true of the entire film: I mean, in the middle of this weird comedic thing there was that pretty savage wood chipper scene.
Nope, it's not McDowell. He's on the phone with the mayor as Evil Santa kills the guy, so I guess I was wrong on that. It's probably for the best: I don't think I would have been all that thrilled with that plot twist anyway. Just like I'm not all that thrilled with "Ho ho ho" being utilized in a blow job scene. Too easy, screenwriter, really. I mean, this was after the girl, dressed in a Sexy Santa costume, makes mention of wanting to get "Santa's Sack." Honestly.
I'd forgotten Donal Logue was even in this. They brought him back to be arrested (I doubt he's actually the killer, but he isn't denying it) and give a monologue about his own disgust and disappointment about Christmas. And he just denied it. Was pretty sure it wasn't. I'm actually kinda worried that it's her Dad, but he doesn't seem to be in good enough shape to murder people and stuff. I'm more hoping it's not a character we've met(and we don't have many left) and just some random murderer.
King just more or less solved her "I don't have it in me" subplot by taking down the coke dealer she tangled with earlier. Good for her. I'm actually beginning to really like her character, actually. McDowell is too wrapped up in macho stuff and eager to have the it all over and done with to be the actual hero of the film, so she was certainly needed.
Aww, a "Garbage Day" reference. Thanks, Movie. That was actually kinda nice. I sincerely liked that.
Not her Dad. So, random guy it is. Actually, we have, like, three characters left alive here. Coming up on the end, I think...Donal Logue is gonna apparently fight the killer. I don't think the character has quite grasped what's going on, though, despite the dude carrying a fire axe. But, obviously, the movie wanted a Santa Vs. Santa fight scene in the film and, hey, can't say I hate the idea. It's visually interesting enough, no matter how short it ended up being.
The added flashback showing that King's Dad took down the old Bad Santa guy wasn't needed. They'd established that pretty well with dialogue earlier. But, okay, anyway, let's just end this thing.
Final Thoughts: Meh, I've seen a lot worse. The movie makes the right call shying away from some of the more shocking excesses of the original franchise by keeping things mostly in the realm of tongue-in-cheek humor. Not that this film was without it's own atrocities-that wood chipper scene was pretty gruesome and a bit out of place-but it mostly kept itself moving along well enough. So-so stuff.
Final Rating: Let's go with a Two and a Half Star Rating, shall we?
No comments:
Post a Comment