Starring: Brandy Schaefer, Zack Andrews, Bobby Roe, Mikey Roe, Jeff Larson, Tansy Alexander.
Director: Bobby Roe.
I originally watched this awhile back and didn't much care for it, but considering that I'm going to a haunted house park called Spookyworld(Nightmare New England) in a matter of hours it seemed fitting to watch a movie about people going to haunted houses across America and ultimately falling prey to a group of very committed "scarers." I doubt this will be outcome of my visit, but I suppose you never know.
This film is a fictionalized version of a documentary also made by director Bobby Roe which I admit I haven't seen, but given the tone of this film and the topic of discussion(scary houses are getting so aggressive that people keep getting hurt at them and this seems bad for humanity) it seems way too soapbox-ish for my tastes. I mean, people make the choice to enter these things and, as far as I've read on the interwebs, all of them warn visitors about exactly what they're in for. Most of them even allow you to choose your preferred intensity level because, honestly, people don't want to just see a dime store Dracula jumping out at them:
Case in point.
But, that was then. I promised myself no "found footage" for awhile (I don't know how much more I can take...which is terrible since the Paranormal Activity films are next on my schedule, but I do like those in general)...but, this one fits. So, enough foreplay, let's get down to it.
Yeah, right off the bat this movie is annoying me with its "Look how bad scary houses can be" montage. News reports about the prominence of scary houses in America, news footage of a few isolated incidents of accidental deaths and questionable employees (which, without statistical context-like, say, how many accidents and questionable employees occur at McDonalds or whatever) happen and blah blah blah. I understand it as a framing device, it's just too preachy for my tastes. Scary Houses don't run background checks? Well, sure, they're open for a month.
The idea of traveling across the country in an R/V and visiting various scary houses might be my ultimate dream. Seriously. I totally want to do it. I wouldn't, y'know, FILM everything because I'm not, y'know, weird or whatever. What purpose is there in filming your whole road trip experience? Why eight cameras? I hate found-footage. "I feel like documenting everything" is as lazy and unconvincing a motivation as I think you can find.
My favorite character is the guy with a beard because he says some pretty logical things. When one guy swears that they're going to a place with "no rules and regulations" and things are gonna be super duper intense, the bearded one says "All that feels like, y'know, 'you wish.'" That's exactly it. The entire premise is flawed: if you're actively seeking a feeling that you only had when you were a child, you're doing it wrong. If you're going to enjoy the experience, you're doing it right.
Our main female lead, Brandy, is charismatic enough. Don't know much about her except that she's "the girl" and is "jumpy" and "easily scared." Uh-huh.
I do like when our mostly dickish found-footage characters (seriously, why does every found footage film involve the main characters basically being jerks to everyone?) get a little payback visited upon them. They filmed things they were explicitly asked not to and then get surprised when a guy gets aggressive...and then act like they're the put upon victims.
"Have you ever seen a Zombie hold a gun? Like, has that ever happened in cinema history?" Yes, movie. Yes, it has. Day of the Dead and Land of the Dead. At least.
Zombie Paintball is a helluva concept. I'd totally play that. It looks like fun. Actually, that basically describes this movie in a nutshell so far: This is like watching other people have fun. No, wait, it's not like that: it literally is that.
Oh, I had forgotten the scene where they stumble on a female haunter after one of their haunts...she follows the bearded guy into the R/V, looks around vacantly and starts gibbering like a madwoman. THAT is actually scary. I can put myself in their shoes and it's a terrifying idea. I think everyone has that sort of experience: not so much the mask and stuff, but talking to someone in the middle of the night and finding out they're totally nuts.
It took half the movie, but there's a plot formulating: they're obviously being stalked by some weirdos and there is talk of some sort of "underground haunt" called The Blue Skeleton or whatever. Then a guy brings a camera with him and fills while he pees. Because that's a thing you do.
I think the moral of this story is that some people aren't cut out to walk through these things. Brandy basically seems to feel like every single one of the more intense haunts they walk through are real or whatever and reacts as if she's in actual mortal danger. It's WHAT YOU PAID FOR. To be fair, though, it IS weird that one of the haunters knew her name. That might weird me out, too...in theory, anyway. It wouldn't necessarily surprise me if a haunted house that I had paid for in advance used my name as part of the show...if they looked me up or whatever. Actually, I might be kind of impressed if they did that..shows initiative and creativity.
The Zombie strip club is another rad idea. I'd go to that, too. I'd go to a lot of these attractions. I'd rather be doing that than watching a movie about other people doing them, actually.
Some of the angry clowns pissed off dialogue made me laugh. "Remember yesterday?! 'Cause I was NOT BORN THERE!"
Ugh. This movie is kinda showing it's sexism. A pair of hicks steal the guys camera and harass Brandy. The response is to "never leave Brandy alone anywhere again." I mean, I guess that's kinda sweet but is it just Brandy? Shouldn't it be "nobody is alone anymore at this point?" Or maybe "hey, guys are filming us while we sleep, hacking out facebooks, threatening us and surrounding our R/V in the middle of the night. Maybe we should, y'know, go home?"
Nope. We're just gonna go anyway. The one guy has a point, though: they wanted an extreme scare. They were literally looking for this sort of thing. But Mike, the big bearded guy, basically sums up the reality of everything once again: "There's a difference in knowing you're going to be doing an extreme activity and being surrounded by crazy rednecks in the middle of the night."
Finally, we're getting somewhere! Crazy alleyway jumping! It was actually kind of a creepy scene: guy is in the alley, sees that weird masked chick singing to herself, then turns around and finds himself surrounded. That actually kind of worked.
The climax works purely on a sympathetic level. I don't mean sympathy for the characters because, well, we really don't know much about them or care to. I mean in the pure sense of "I can see myself in this situation." It's a terrifying thought and experience to go through, and one I can imagine. I can see myself or my friends being dragged off with hoods on their heads and then myself or one of them being forced to walk through entirely unknown territory with a video camera...like a scary house...with the others being attacked and murdered as "scares." It surely would be the most extreme scare...it might actually really work as an attraction, so long as you were informed about it.
The jumping between different cameras with different characters in different locations is really not the wisest choice on the part of the film makers. It's not really functioning as disorienting or frightening, all it's really doing is making the narrative impossible to follow or understand. Things settle down into one set piece eventually-they're all buried alive in coffins, which is pretty freaky-but...getting here was kind of a chore.
Final Thoughts: It's another found-footage movie that would work better as a regular film. I'd watch a normal movie with characters going on a road trip and being menaced by guys in masks. I'd watch the crap out of that. It's a good concept. But the found footage device does nothing for it (and rarely does) and really provides us with no real insight or point of interest on any of the characters or their plight. Most of the footage is other people doing fun stuff, which...well, just reminds me I could be doing something fun myself. The narrative is clunky, seems padded out with filler material, and ultimately brings a somewhat preachy mentality to the table that is, at best, a very jaded and biased opinion.
Final Rating: Two Stars.
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