Starring: Scout Taylor-Compton, Tyler Man, Malcolm McDowell, Brad Dourif, Danielle Harris, Caroline Williams.
Director: Rob Zombie.
Finally, in two hours, I will blissfully be done with the Halloween franchise and can breathe a sigh of relief...and set them all on fire in some sort of Pagan entreaty to some horrible elder god in hopes of preventing another from ever being made.
I'm sorry, that was way more bitter than I meant to be. It's just tough. I'm in a bad mood(now, after watching nine of these things) and I just don't know how well I'm going to be able to deal with this film and remain in any way objective.
Well, Zombie learned about a new filter: now everything is blue like every other mainstream horror film developed over the past decade. Film-making!
At least this opening sequence is a good use of Brad Dourif's time: the juxtaposition between his overseeing the scene of the carnage at the Myers house with the surgery being performed on his Daughter is actually smartly handled. Dourif is giving some great expressions as it goes on. The close-ups of Annie's wounds are tonally interesting, even if the quick cuts and muddled art effects make what we're looking at difficult to make out. We understand what we're looking at through context clues, but the actual presentation is lacking.
Then the ambulance hits a cow and we get ten minutes of the ambulance drive shouting "fuck" over and over again, because writing is hard. This kills any and all good will that spirited opener managed to engender.
I know Rob Zombie loves his Wife but...seriously, can we politely ask them to stop? The egregious shots of her in a white dress with a white horse...it's not interesting, or pretty, or even positive, it's just an irritating example of poor narrative skills.
Oscar winner Octavia Spencer, ladies and gentlemen! Being sassy and then getting killed by a white man in an even whiter mask.
Good lord, it's just an extension of the previous film's shrill, flailing third act. It's just shrieking and no real sense of physical geography. At least Zombie is playing more with color. I assume he got to that chapter in his "how to make a movie" book that he had only read the first couple of chapters of when he made his previous films.
Buddy the security guard might be the only real sympathetic character in these films. At least he shows some sort of basic kindness. Also, I like the song "Nights in White Satin" but...I'm worried that it's just going to play seventeen times in this film and then I'll hate it forever. Could be worse, though: it could be a cover of "Nights in White Satin" by Rob Zombie and his shitty band.
In the previous film, Zombie couldn't hold a scene for more than a minute or two. In this movie, the scenes seem to be lasting forty-five minutes....god damn it, movie, the first twenty minutes was a DREAM SEQUENCE?!
Wait, is the movie actually allowing Laurie to play the victim card against Danielle Harris? Is this your key to making her sympathetic and relatable? Our lead is yelling at her best friend who was torn apart by Myers as if her experiences trump the horrible violence committed on said best friend? Really, movie?
Margot Kidder, you deserve better than this.
Brad Dourif is easily this movies biggest strength. He's channeling the likability of his Deadwood character in a big way, and it's making this movie almost tolerable when he's on screen. Harris has an easy likability to her, too.
I hate these overly stylized dream sequences. Hate, hate, hate them. It feels like Zombie just throws whatever thought stomps through his brain on screen. Weird for the sake of being weird isn't artsy or surreal, it's not thought provoking, it's not interesting, it's just a bunch of stuff that happens.
Shut up, Scout Taylor-Compton.
I think that's enough of the Sheri Moon Zombie and Little Boy ghost appearances. This movie is literally just the ghosts, trashy people getting killed by Michael after doing trashy things, and Scout Taylor-Compton shrieking at the top of her lungs.
Oh hell, there's another whole act to go. This movie just won't end.
This Loomis arc isn't going anywhere. It's just a distraction. You probably could have cut him. It has no purpose within the narrative besides the book, and the book could have just showed up.
So we just randomly introduced some new friends for Laurie in the third act? Then they go to a party and get killed...Zombie attempts some interesting visuals with the party and kinda/sorta succeeds on occasion....oh, for heaven's sake...
I just...I have no more insights to offer. No more barbs, witty or angry. I just have nothing.
Nothing.
Final Thoughts: There is no God.
Final Rating: There is only pain.
No comments:
Post a Comment