Movie 53: The Beyond

Starring: Catriona MacColl, David Warbeck, Cinzia Monreale, Antoine Saint-John, Veronica Lazar, Larry Ray.

Director: Lucio Fulci.

And now we come to the final movie in Fulci's unofficial "gates of hell" trilogy.  So far the whole thing has been messy, confusing and generally plotless but interesting looking and filled with extraordinary gore and make-up effects.  I'm assuming this will ultimately be the hat trick of those descriptors. 

I have seen The Beyond but it was a very long time ago, to the point that I'm really not sure I remember anything whatsoever about it.  So this really is basically like me coming into it blind, other than having a good understanding of what Fulci is capable of.

Special Thanks to my buddy Dan for donating this DVD to the cause!

A Flashback Prelude?  Please don't hurt yourself Fulci.  I know how important it is for you to avoid plot.  Is Fulci still alive?  I might feel like a dick if he isn't.  Oh, yeah, he's dead.  Died in 1996.  Sorry, Fulci.  I'll try to be nicer.  Truth is, I actually do like your movies even if they aren't really great from an academic or critical perspective.

"Woe to whoever enters here without knowledge" would be a good thing to say about the Internet.  

This lynching scene at the start is pretty intense and graphic.  More great latex work.  They manage to make it look like the skin is really splitting and breaking, and blood gushes everywhere(as we've come to expect)...pretty brutal stuff.  

I think that, in the end, these movies are silly and they're putting me in a silly mood.  Sorry if these entries are low on insight and high on dumb jokes and scattered commentary: I tend to write whatever I'm inspired to, and these things are awakening my inner MST3K nerd.  Count yourself lucky that I'm not writing every riff that has stomped its way through my feeble brain.

Though silly, I still think that Fulci had a basic intention of being somewhat silly.  I don't think there was ever any discussion of being super serious or anything of the sort.

I'm beginning to think I am in love with Catriona MacColl.  After three movies starring her and seeing her pretty face close-up, I'm pretty sure I'm ready to propose.  I love you, Catriona.

Marry Me.

Thank You, Martha, You Weirdo.  If I ever have the (mis?)fortune of renovating a house to turn into a hotel or whatever the hell it is they're doing here, remind me never to hire creepy people to work there.  Also, in the spirit of considering my potential future as a hotel builder guy...having a construction worker freak out and fall to his almost certain death is pretty bad ju-ju and I probably wouldn't have that, either.  I'm counting on you, person who survives the final The Legacy task and wins my stuff, to keep that shit up.

The score to The Beyond is way more traditional horror movie music than the others.  The creepy piano motif works pretty well.  In fact, I might even say this film is also one of the most straight-forward and coherent films that Fulci has done. Or maybe it's just I've finally gotten the hang of Fulcis structure.  We're still jumping around a lot, but it seems to make a little more sense.  Not a lot, mind you, but enough.  I'm still not sure where Catriona went with the Blind Girl, or why the hospital seems to be more concerned with the old corpse in the cellar than with the guy who just got his face smushed by some sort of Cellar Beast.

No sooner did I write about the face smushing than we see what I assume to be his widow coming to put a necklace on him or something.  I dunno, putting a suit on the guy isn't helping the fact that his face was, y'know, smushed.

Fulci loves to put kids through hell.  Little girl walks into the room, sees her dead smushed faced Dad, other corpses, then watches as her Mom's face gets melted off by acid.  For yet a third time, I find myself writing the most extraordinary sentences.  "watches as her Mom's face gets melted off by acid" may be one of my favorite string of words I've ever written.

I take it back: I've no idea what is going on here.  I get the general gist: House was built on gateway to hell, because hell makes a great foundation, and horrible stuff happens.  But, why did the Woman fall down and get covered in acid and what does any of that have to do with anything?  Well, now that I'm writing all that down I guess I do have a pretty good understanding of what's happening, really, save one or two things.  

"Look, I lived in New York..."  I simply adore that this was said way back in 1981, since it's such a popular thing New Yorkers to say and, as a result, be insufferable. 

Not sure how I feel about the Tarantula death...but I don't suffer from Arachnophobia while so many others do.  Even if I did, these effects are not among the best Fulci has offered up.  Kind of a lame death scene, really.  

Geez, Martha, put on some gloves!  I wouldn't just stick my arm into elbow-deep shit water in a bathtub.  You never know when smushed face guy is gonna sit up in it like the friggin' Undertaker.  Martha's death makes up for the tarantula thing: curtain rod through the back of the head that pushes out her eye?  That's pretty rad.

Look out, Em-oh, shit, sorry Emily.  Didn't mean to insult you, being blind and all.

...I'm sorry for that joke, too.

The Undead are clearly no match for a pissed off German Shepard, but I think we all knew that...didn't we?  Except they were, since the dog went undead and offered another awesome throat rip death scene...I mean, damn.  She was just torn right the hell apart. Another strong death scene.

Full-On Zombie attack.  Now we're getting somewhere movie.  Guy wasted a whole lot of bullets, though.  He keeps firing into guts and shoulders...head shot, dude, head shot.

Oh, there we go: exploded red-headed girls head.  Another great gore effect.

Yay!  The world is doomed!  Always love it when the world ends.

Final Thoughts: It had its moments.  Some more excellent gore effects and weirdo situations but also another weak plot...basically, it's the same as the others, really.  I think it's a little stronger than City but not as good as House. 

Final Rating: Three Stars.