Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis, Brad Loree, Busta Rhymes, Bianca Kajlich, Sean Patrick Thomas, Daisy McCrackin, Katee Sackhoff(!), Tyra Banks.
Director: Rick Rosenthal.
And now we've come to the end of Laurie's narrative and to the absolute lowest point of the entire franchise that necessitated a Rob Zombie remake, so...we can just blame it all on this film. Somehow this was made by the same director as Halloween II which just seems impossible. That movie was pretty good. This is shit.
I touched on it briefly at the end of my write up on the mediocre H2O but the concept that Michael tricking Laurie into killing some other guy makes so little sense that it makes me want to cry. It's literally one of the worst sequel justifications I have ever come across in the thousands of horror films I've watched. Also, "writers", why would Michael wait three more years to kill Laurie if she was just hanging out at a mental institution? Why is this mental institution so grungy and dark? Did they lose federal funding?
I'd rather watch the movie where Laurie fights against the evil corporate conspiracy to get funding back to the asylum, maybe with lovable loser co-patients who just need some love to get over thier various homicidal urges.
Actually, the mindscrew that Michael pulls on Laurie might be the only sign of any intelligence Myers ever showed in this series. It's still stupid, given the circumstances, but it's there. In addition, he hands the knife off to the lunatic in the clown mask.
Probably the only interesting conceit here(if that), is that Michael is successful in both narratives at killing his enemies. Loomis's narrative ends with his death, and so does Laurie's. Michael continues to survive.
I find the idea that this film was clearly seen as a literal resurrection for the franchise: that opening sequence was literally designed as a way to say goodbye to the old franchise and move forward with something new and exciting and then...jesus, I hate this movie so much.
What the hell is Katee Sackoff doing here and why does her make-up look like a clowns? Why is she the annoying ditzy friend? Why have these boring, irritating people been chosen for a reality...oh, wait, nevermind. I get it now. Irritating people are the only ones chosen for reality television.
When Busta Rhymes, giving looks of irritation and annoyance, is the closest thing to reality in the whole film, you know you're in trouble. I'm not sure why Sarah's scream can shatter glass, or why the light crashing behind her even caused that level of alarm.
So the camera lingers on Tyra Bank's ass as she dances around for no reason. Stay classy, movie.
The central plot: Obnoxious wannabe stars participate in a reality show where they explore Michael Myers's house. It's aired on the internet. Not sure what they would expect to find. But, okay. I'm strongly considering the use of the fast forward button. There's really nothing to actually comment on: the dialogue is just terrible(most of it is these idiots discussing why they think Michael killed people), the characters nonexistent, and this is all actually pretty sexist: comments on flashing breasts to get viewership, close-ups of butts and breasts, and "When are you gonna get out of your head, and starting thinking with your body" which might be one of the worst things I've ever heard a character say.
I didn't think it was possible for Myers to look embarrassed, what with the mask and all but...somehow he manages to do it. The scene where Busta is dressed as Myers and the real Myers shows up is clearly supposed to be funny or suspenseful or something but it's just ridiculous. Painful, even. Busta clearly believes himself funny. He isn't.
Did Busta need to continue to bribe the characters? Did they not establish that they are receiving scholarships? The so-called "writers" of this film really did not do a fantastic job. I think the cutaways to the kids watching at the other college or whatever is really unnecessary, not that there's really any tension or story to actually derail. The device of the kid trying to help the heroine escape by using the cameras to keep tabs on Michael's location isn't the worst thing in the world, but the concerned observers in the room with him actually tend to seem idiotic, mostly because it pre-supposes that the audience is doing the same thing at home. We're not.
Oh, for fuck's sake. Busta Rhymes using Kung Fu against Michael Myers. I'd almost forgotten about this nonsense. Michael is defeated by Kung Fu and Electricity. Ugh.
Final Thoughts: Easily the lowest point of the whole series. Listing the reasons why would likely take twice as long as actually watching this garbage did.
Final Rating: One Stars.
I'd rather watch the movie where Laurie fights against the evil corporate conspiracy to get funding back to the asylum, maybe with lovable loser co-patients who just need some love to get over thier various homicidal urges.
Actually, the mindscrew that Michael pulls on Laurie might be the only sign of any intelligence Myers ever showed in this series. It's still stupid, given the circumstances, but it's there. In addition, he hands the knife off to the lunatic in the clown mask.
Probably the only interesting conceit here(if that), is that Michael is successful in both narratives at killing his enemies. Loomis's narrative ends with his death, and so does Laurie's. Michael continues to survive.
I find the idea that this film was clearly seen as a literal resurrection for the franchise: that opening sequence was literally designed as a way to say goodbye to the old franchise and move forward with something new and exciting and then...jesus, I hate this movie so much.
What the hell is Katee Sackoff doing here and why does her make-up look like a clowns? Why is she the annoying ditzy friend? Why have these boring, irritating people been chosen for a reality...oh, wait, nevermind. I get it now. Irritating people are the only ones chosen for reality television.
When Busta Rhymes, giving looks of irritation and annoyance, is the closest thing to reality in the whole film, you know you're in trouble. I'm not sure why Sarah's scream can shatter glass, or why the light crashing behind her even caused that level of alarm.
So the camera lingers on Tyra Bank's ass as she dances around for no reason. Stay classy, movie.
The central plot: Obnoxious wannabe stars participate in a reality show where they explore Michael Myers's house. It's aired on the internet. Not sure what they would expect to find. But, okay. I'm strongly considering the use of the fast forward button. There's really nothing to actually comment on: the dialogue is just terrible(most of it is these idiots discussing why they think Michael killed people), the characters nonexistent, and this is all actually pretty sexist: comments on flashing breasts to get viewership, close-ups of butts and breasts, and "When are you gonna get out of your head, and starting thinking with your body" which might be one of the worst things I've ever heard a character say.
I didn't think it was possible for Myers to look embarrassed, what with the mask and all but...somehow he manages to do it. The scene where Busta is dressed as Myers and the real Myers shows up is clearly supposed to be funny or suspenseful or something but it's just ridiculous. Painful, even. Busta clearly believes himself funny. He isn't.
Did Busta need to continue to bribe the characters? Did they not establish that they are receiving scholarships? The so-called "writers" of this film really did not do a fantastic job. I think the cutaways to the kids watching at the other college or whatever is really unnecessary, not that there's really any tension or story to actually derail. The device of the kid trying to help the heroine escape by using the cameras to keep tabs on Michael's location isn't the worst thing in the world, but the concerned observers in the room with him actually tend to seem idiotic, mostly because it pre-supposes that the audience is doing the same thing at home. We're not.
Oh, for fuck's sake. Busta Rhymes using Kung Fu against Michael Myers. I'd almost forgotten about this nonsense. Michael is defeated by Kung Fu and Electricity. Ugh.
Final Thoughts: Easily the lowest point of the whole series. Listing the reasons why would likely take twice as long as actually watching this garbage did.
Final Rating: One Stars.
No comments:
Post a Comment