Starring: Jennifer Low Hewitt, Freddie Prinze Jr., Brandy Norwood, Mekhi Phifer, Muse Watson, Bill Gobbs, Matthew Settle.
Director: Danny Cannon.
Well...this "stars" Nineties Recording "Artist" Brandy. I know she sang a bunch of songs...but I literally can't remember any of them. Every time I think of one, I realize I'm just remembering a Mariah Carey song...and even then all I really remember was the music video with her at summer camp with a black kid? Carey, I mean, not Brandy. Didn't Brandy do "Moesha?" Good lord what am I talking about...?
I'm not sure how much more introduction is actually needed. I think I saw this once. Maybe it was on at a party...I don't remember anything about it whatsoever. No, wait, isn't there a fat white rasta guy at some point? I remember something like that happening. Anyway, against my better judgement, let's keep this series going. They aren't going to watch themselves (unfortunately).
Hewitt is back as Julie James, and she's going to confession about she killed a man...even though the end of the last film confirmed that they actually didn't kill anyone at all. The Fisherman killed a guy, they ran over the fisherman, he lived and went after them. I guess it's okay if it's a dream...
Wow, Ray is a really shitty boyfriend. Gets jealous that she has a guy friend, who is clearly a total geek (which I regret mocking because, well, so am I), puts his own needs first and is Freddie Prinze Jr. "What do you mean you can't go back to the location where you were nearly murdered by a psychopath?! This is about ME isn't it?!" I hope you die in this one, Ray. I'm pretty sure he dies in this one, right? To be fair, she probably coulda told him that over the phone.
Holy shit, a non-ironic "You betta recognize!" Also, Brandy just said "No means yes." Julie says "Have you seen my people dance?" W...what is happening, movie? Still feels like more natural dialogue than Williamsons script, though.
Will, buddy, I like you a lot more than Ray and I don't know a god damned thing about you. I'm pretty sure you're the villain.
I stated it in the previous entry I had talked about how generally radiant Jennifer Love Hewitt is...she seems even more so here. She just has a lot of natural charisma and one of the most charming smiles ever.
It was too much to hope that Freddie Prinze Jr. would have come down with a tragic case of sudden sequel death syndrome.
Oh. God. That's Jack Black.
What a surprise: our main characters act like entitled jerks when they walk into the hotel. Shocker. At least Jeffery Combs was there to give them a hard time. I always cringe when horror movie characters go to hotels. Working in one, with the public, I can tell you that it is one thing horror movies do NOT exaggerate on: people, especially young ones, are gigantic dicks. What Jeffery Combs did as a hotel employee I want to do every single day.
Oh, god, no. They're going to do Karoke. Please. Kill me.
Oh, that's right: Jennifer Love Hewitt had a brief singing career. I wonder if it was in her contract demands that she be allowed to sing in order for her to do the film. I'm at least grateful that it wasn't Brandy.
If nothing else, director Danny Cannon knew how to film Jennifer Love Hewitt just right. There are shots of her face that are just wonderfully composed and gorgeously photographed. Not much else is working, though.
Jack Blacks character might be the most annoying character ever. I know that's a surprising thing to say consider, y'know, Jack Black. He has a pretty good track record of being annoying.
This hotel has an overnight housekeeper but nobody on front desk? Sorry, movie, I can accept a lot of things but that...not real life at all. I don't care if it's the off season or not: no hotel would operate without twenty four hour front desk service.
Man, the killer is totally all about murdering random people. The guy who ties boats and a run of the mill housekeeper? The murderer is just kind of a dick. Guess he grew out of childish pranks.
"I used to be a life guard, so don't make me blow my whistle." The dialogue in this is so absolutely wretched. Then Jack Black shows up and says a bunch of random annoying stuff...good god, who wrote this thing? Looked it up. His name is Trey Callaway. His only previous writing credit was episodes of "Timon & Pumbaa." He went on to write for a bunch of terrible TV shows.
Jeffery Combs is my hero in this. I mean, I would never be as deliberately mean to anyone at my hotel, and if anyone ever said they found a corpse I'd at least hear it out, But, still, these kids got it coming.
Thank God, Jack Black is about to die. If it's any consolation, Jack Black fans, the character dies doing what he loved: holding a massive bong. Because he has one character motivation: weed.
The movie had to have the old black man practice voodoo. That's racist.
I never quite understood the whole "I can't believe you didn't tell me" argument when people are in mortal danger.
Is Ray going to ride the bus to the bahamas? Shouldn't it take, like, two days to get there? For that matter, how did the Fisherman get all the way there that fast? It's not like it's a quick trip to the Bahamas.
Wait, is Julie just NOW realizing that they answered the radio contest question wrong?! I mean...shit.
I guess I appreciate a movie that allows one of their characters to just take a time out and try to find food. 'Cause he's hungry. So we then switch him out for a different character that we basically forgot she existed because, well, she hasn't been offered much of a personality.
I guess it isn't surprising in the least that this film doesn't manage to develop any decent characters or suspense...or meaningful dialogue or whatever. At the very least I can say that the set piece and the story make enough sense: While the "won a fake vacation" conceit is hard to swallow, the sequel concept of a survivor girl traveling to a remote vacation spot and getting attacked by the maniac she failed to vanquish works well enough on its own. For a mindless sequel, anyway. Too bad it couldn't have understood characterization or suspense a lot better....or, y'know, logic. How did Will know Ray wouldn't be able to attend? I know, he planned to kill him or whatever, but how did he know Ray wouldn't have outright said yes? If Ray told Julie he was coming, and then he didn't show up, did he just assume Julie would just go anyway? Makes no sense? Anyway, really, couldn't Ben have just murdered Julie at any time? Why the whole big game? At least in the first one he wanted to kill the whole group for running him over.
Come to think of it, Ben outright told Julie in the first one: "If you're kill someone, you better make sure they're dead" but he let Ray live. What would have happened if Julie had gone with Ray back home in the first place? Was "fake vacation to the bahamas" actually plan B? GAH this movie is making my brain hurt.
Final Thoughts: It's a lot like the first one, except with less plot cohesion or logic, with more organic (but still stupid) dialogue. Hewitt is very watchable, but nobody else really is. I guess I'd say it's "equal, but different" where equal still means only...
Final Rating:..Two Stars.
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